Conquering your demons

"You want him to look at you... the way I look at Nutella"

I was impatiently knocking the door. Recollecting what happened in just five hours which gave me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushed through me.

"For fuck's sake! What are you drooling on? "Emily roared at a high pitch by holding her favorite double cheese stuffed pizza with extra cheese topping.

She is enthusiastic all the time. She scums to light up my lonely life with her half-wit jokes and actions. All people intuitively seek emotional equanimity, freedom from anxiety, distress, and trepidation that might cause a person to lose symmetrical balance of their mind. Nature intended for human beings to live in an enthusiastic and curious manner, always exploring, striving, and creating.

"Nothing much" I blushed as I felt blood rushing down my cheeks.

"Rosy cheeks will always stand out in a field of grey"She said by pointing her eyebrow "Come inside, I need to know full details" she was serious this time which means I can't lie to her

Inner voice: you can't lie to anyone not even to save your own life

I entered her house. It's a mansion with simplicity in form and function, uncomplicated cladding & wall finishes, clean, open, light-filled spaces, simple detailing devoid of decoration and strategic use of wood and ebony for visual interest, texture, and a personality of 6 rooms on single floor and there are 5 floors with 2 servants on each floor. Rest one can do the math.

We entered her movie room on 4th floor where Rose was sitting there with Emily's night dress on as it has pizza crust design.

Inner voice: That bitch is going to steal your only best friend .I mean look at her audacity to sit here like she owns this mansion... What a bitch!

"Hey" Rose smiled. She had streaked blonde hair, long and straight, parted in the middle framing high cheek bones, an aquiline nose and beautiful deep blue eyes and a good body, athletic, not skinny. She exposed her toned arms and shoulders, indicating regular workouts or yoga. There was a hint of vein running the length of her lean muscle.

We just know each other but we haven't talked in 16 years. Nothing is stranger or more ticklish than a relationship between people who know each other only by sight, who meet and observe each other daily - no hourly - and are nevertheless compelled to keep up the pose of an indifferent stranger, neither greeting nor addressing each other, whether out of etiquette or their own whim

"Um...Alex...Actually last night, her car's gas got finished and I was nearby "Emily sat on the couch.

Inner voice: 'holy cow...She is a skilled liar' learn something from her you mother Teresa

First of all, Rose doesn't have a car to run out of gas as I remember her terrible accident when she was driving blue scooty where she almost killed me and I saw her today in the school where her eyes were remorseful when that bitch pulled my shirt.

"Didn't know, you guys were friends" I slammed trying to maintain my posture because I am a dreadful liar.

"We met at a party "Rose fussed smiling at me and then at Emily. To which Emily smiled back.

I nodded, a teensy bit alarmed by the expression in Emily's black eye. I pointed at my chest. "Hmm, nice"

"So what's the deal with you "Emily said by cutting my train of thoughts. I shook my head again.

I glossed over the beginning, skipping his taunts but everything else right up to Josh's disappointment. Emily didn't like my thin explanation about Stacey's humiliation as her eyes narrowed to slits on that part so I hurried to the next part .Surprisingly Rose was still giving acceptable warm expressions but Emily remained stone cold with her black eyes and short hair focused on the floor which started scarring me.

"That bitch needs to pay "She hissed .I fell quiet, struck again by the grief of that humiliation but then Emily hugged me as she crushed herself against me with warm eyes now "But Oh my gawd!"

"What? Ouch...You gave me boob fracture "I yelled in pain with my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory as I remember feeling nearly like this when I fainted in the school. But was it really in girls washroom because I just remember fainting there but not going there or any purpose of going there as I was supposed to be at chemistry lab waiting for Drake .

Inner Voice: Maybe you just wanted to fucking pee

"You want him to look at you the way I look at Nutella!" Emily roared by spinning her around

"Cut it off Emily! Do I look that desperate?" I crouched down, swinging my legs into the narrow grip.

"Come on. Tell me last time...You made out with someone. Or at least held a guy's hand...1year ago "She exclaimed. "That too with Drake" Eyes shined with pity dissolving quickly into disgust.

"I think I was blind at that time and clearly not proud of that"

"You have a good heart and you think the good thing is to be guilty and kind but it's not always kind to be gentle and soft, there's a genuine violence softness and kindness visit on people. Sometimes self-interested is the most generous thing you can be. "Emily stood up from the couch and taking a hold of her gold plated IPhone X

"I am talking to your mom about math's homework and you are staying over "Emily smiled by clapping her hands together.

"I don't think so "

"We are having a school party and who knows that hot back guy is there "Rose said by clearing my confusion.

It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they will do practically anything you want them to. Whatever happens, they say afterwards, it must have been fate. People are always a little confused about this, as they are in the case of miracles. When someone is saved from certain death by a strange concatenation of circumstances, they say that's a miracle. But of course if someone is killed by a freak chain of events -- the oil spilled just there, the safety fence broken just there -- that must also be a miracle. Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous.