Protecting Clay

Trying To Talk About It

Clay's POV

He was pissed. I knew he would be. I kind of regret doing it now, purely because of the look of hurt on Tony's face. He thinks I let him down; nobody needs this right now, we just lost Hannah and now he thinks he's gonna lose me as well. What am I going to do?

Tony's POV

"Clay," my voice broke as my eyes filled with tears, "Why are you doing this?" Clay looked away from me so I gently pushed his chin up and held it up.

"Listen, Clay, I'm not mad. I just....I need you to talk to me. I can't lose you."

Clay's POV

My eyes started to glisten with tears. How do I explain this to Tony without scaring him?

"Tony, you're....you're not gonna lose me." He looked unconvinced. I couldn't blame him. "No, Tony, I swear, I'm not trying to end everything, okay? And I've only done this like twice." He doesn't believe me. My best friend doesn't trust me enough to believe that I won't leave him.

"No, Tony, I swear. Look," I rolled up my sleeves and took off the bandages. "See, these five are from earlier and then those ones are from a couple days ago. Okay?" At this point, both our faces are covered in tears.

"Alright, okay. Um, does.....does anyone else know or...or just me?" I hated how much worry I saw in those beautiful eyes of his. And I caused that.

Tony's POV

"N...no, o...on...only y...you kn...know." Suddenly, Clay started crying and hyperventilating with his breathing uneven, tears streaming down his face and his hands frantically trying to bat them away. He was starting to sweat even more than he was earlier and I was getting really scared.

"Hey. Hey, Clay? Buddy you have to calm down, you're having a panic attack, alright. Just breathe in and out slowly. C'mon, with me." I showed him how to breathe and tried to get him to relax.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

"Tony, I'm scared. I hate that I'm doing this to you, that I'm making you so worried. But this," he pointed at his arms, "It's my only way to escape."

I don't know what made me do it but I reached my hand and stroked his cheek. "What do you need to escape from?" At his reluctance to answer, I continued to softly rub my thumb against his cheek. "Clay, please talk to me, I want to try and help. Please." I implored.

"Tony, I just...i really don't wanna talk about it. At least, not right now." At the pleading look and desperation in his eyes, I let it go....for now.

"Alright, let's go back to mine, clean you up and then we can hang out a bit." For the first time in a while, I saw that outstanding smile.

A.N

Sorry I took ages to update

Sorry that this chapter isn't written very well and/or it's too short

Sorry if you think Clay and Tony should've behaved differently

Yeah, is that everything? Good, I'll try and update sooner next time. 😊😊😊