Indigo Souls

l e t ' s t a l k

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to talk to him again. To casually text him, asking if we can just catch up. To stay up until midnight talking about the most random things.

Then I realize that if I ever talked to him again I might just explode. How do I know this? It's easy.

Yesterday I was walking in the hallway, minding my own business, rushing a little bit to get to my English class on time because I was just in the restroom.

I was almost to my class, I was almost safe. Then he showed up. He turned the corner and saw me right away. I was prepared for him to avoid his gaze and to walk right past me, like he usually does. It's what I deserve. I deserve every gaze he doesn't hold. Every time I wish for him to talk to me, but he doesn't.

But he doesn't.

Instead, right as he was about to pass me, he stopped me. He touched me on the shoulder so gently I wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't him and every time he touched me it didn't feel like I was on fire.

I turned so fast I got whiplash. He stepped back. Said hey. Called me Indie. And left.

My heart hurts. It's a guitar and he is expertly playing it, like a professional. But somehow the sounds he produces are beautiful. Everything about him is.

Every time I think even remotely that I might be over him, he does something like that that makes my heart flip around so much that my mind has to try and save it.

It never works. Now I'm thinking about him again, just when I was used to never seeing him around or hearing his voice or watching his eyes crinkle when he smiles.

It's painful. But I can't say I don't deserve it.

I won the lottery. Just not in the way I wanted to.