Indigo Souls

g e n i s i s

The day I hurt him is the day I regret the most. I didn't mean to, I promise. It's just that my head wasn't screwed on right.

God, the excuses I'm making up are worse than my reason for leaving him.

All I can think about right now is how sorry I am that I hurt him and made everything so incredibly awkward between us. It's like I'll be sitting in class, completely focused on taking a math test, and boom. There he is. Right in front of me. And I can't get rid of him. He's haunting me and I deserve it. He has every right.

I have to say goodbye.

Seeing him every day was something I looked forward to because he always knew. He could always make me laugh. Make me smile. Make my mood change with a snap of his fingers.

I knew I liked him when I saw what kind of person he was. When I realized that he was someone I didn't think I could find anywhere else.

I knew I was in love with him when I found everything he did attractive. The way he put his heart into his studies. The way he was so kind and respectful to everyone he came across. The way he treated his friends.

I thought he was too perfect. I thought that if I were to get too close, he would hurt me.

Boy, was I wrong.

I'm sorry my heart cries for him. I'm sorry I forget how to breathe when he walks by in the hallways. I'm sorry that my heart skips a beat when his forest green eyes meet mine.

I don't deserve him. Why can't I seem to remember this whenever his gaze falls on me from across the room?

I know that everything was my fault. I put my foot down because I was scared. Terrified, actually, of the feelings I had for him. I was falling so damn hard and I had no idea how to handle it. I still don't. The way I handled our situation was immature and stupid because I was too much of a coward to face us.

I left him thinking that I never felt anything for him. That I didn't care. That I was just taking the easy way out.

If I could go back in time, I'd tell him that it's quite the opposite.

I don't deserve him.

I wonder what he would think if I walked right up to him and apologized for all of my wrong-doings. All I know is that I wouldn't expect him to forgive me. I could never. It would be more likely for him to forget me.

Yet I still can't stop myself from missing him.

I think a piece of me will always belong to him no matter how much I love someone else. There's something special about him that I'll never forget.

I'll never forget his huge heart. His loyalty. His sincerity. His humor. His uplifting spirit. His outshining personality. His laugh. His maturity. His intelligence. His athletic mind. His perception. His smile. His laugh. His ability to make everyone feel special. And those eyes.

I always thought he was handsome even though everyone was always telling me he wasn't. And not just on the outside.

I'm so sorry that I miss him because things between us can never be the same. They shouldn't be because I'm a horrible person that promised herself that she would never be a heart-breaker.

I wasn't fair, so I hope he finds someone better because he deserves it more than anything. Any girl in the world would be the luckiest to have him and the craziest to turn him down (I guess I fall under the latter).

I miss him.

I'm and idiot. Our relationship...