Deceptions & Secrets

Chapter 10: Isolation

Mother smiles and takes my hand, setting the glass down on the side table. "No, Beatrice, nothing is wrong." She pauses, thinking, as if she is trying to decide how to explain. "One day, when you are married, you and your husband will think about these pills, Beatrice. I don't want to talk about this subject yet-- you are too young." I don't really understand, but I am relieved that she is not unwell.

"Alright, Momma," I say, forcing a smile-- the idea of losing my mother still has me shaken. I hurry upstairs to put the pills away so I can compose myself before she sees the worry that is surely evident on my face.

++o++

"Natalie, Beatrice!" Ruby smiles warmly, reaching to embrace me before remembering that Mother and I are still Abnegation, dropping her hands, and nodding with a warm smile.

"I'm so glad to see you today, Ruby. You look well," Mother says to her kindly. "Where is Daniel this morning?"

"He was assigned a job driving the trains!" Ruby says excitedly. Operating the trains that the Dauntless ride through the city is one of the better jobs the factionless can secure, and Ruby grins proudly. "So, please, give the food to someone else; we are receiving supplies as compensation already."

Ruby and Daniel are some of the many factionless Mother and I have become more friendly with over the past months. I truly enjoy the time I spend helping them along Mother's side. We have grown closer to these people than we should, but that is one of the rare benefits of the schedule of tasks Marcus has put upon us; he wants Mother home with him or at work with him in the evenings, so it is in the mornings and early afternoon that she is free from him, to complete her volunteer work and to be sure I am kept up on my studies. Marcus prefers that we keep our volunteering to the earlier parts of the mornings, when there typically are not other Abnegation helping alongside us. I get the feeling that he does not want us interacting much with the Abnegation members.

It was last week that we ran into Tessa Clark, Councilman Jonah Clark's wife, as we were rushing home from our morning volunteer work. It was such an awkward conversation as Mrs. Clark seemed so concerned to see Mother out and about. She told us that Marcus had informed the council that Natalie has been chronically ill and thus has been unable to serve at numerous events. I was fortunate, being a child, to already be expected to avert my eyes and not participate in the conversation. It was my mother that needed to remain emotionless as she learned about her husband's latest lies to cover up his dirty secret. Mrs. Clark gently gave my mother a hug, as to not hurt her. Her last words to my mother were that all the women really missed seeing her. Mother was very sad for the rest of the day. There was nothing I could say, so I said nothing.

"I am so happy for you both, Ruby," I say to her with a genuine smile.

Mother continues talking with Ruby for a moment as I move on with my box of canned goods.

As I hand out the canned goods, I talk with the various factionless people I have become familiar with. I have noticed that the dynamic is much different between Mother and I, and the factionless, compared to how it used to be. While the Abnegation are always kind and unassuming, most often we do pity the factionless, even if we don't mean to. Since Mother and I have been coming on our own, however, these outcasts have become real people-- they always were, but there's just a difference in the way I see them, and we have come to know them as individuals.

At first, I would feel my face turn bright red anytime I would see the ladies who taught me about... lotion... not just because of the 'lesson' they provided me, but because of the anger and embarrassment that would bubble up inside me thinking of how I did those things for Tobias, only to find out that he was just using me. Michelle had told me to only do that for someone I loved and trusted, and Carly had been even more specific, suggesting that I wait for marriage to try out what I had learned. If only I had listened to her. But I can't take it back now.