Deceptions & Secrets

Chapter 10: Isolation

I stare out the window at Susan and Robert as they pass our home on their way to school. I long to go with them, wishing for their company.

"Beatrice," my mother's voice sings out, interrupting my thoughts. Marcus left for work a few minutes ago. I turn to her and smile, and she smiles back, though there is pain in her eyes. When she pulls her sleeve back slightly to lightly scratch where she must have an itch on her wrist, I see the deep purple bruises left recently by Marcus's fingers, and behind my eyes I feel the familiar pressure of building tears. I dressed her wounds again late last night; he is as cruel to her as he was to Tobias, and I am worried for her. For Mother, there is no upcoming Choosing Ceremony, there is no escape.

Upon learning Mother was raised Dauntless, I begged her to take on Marcus, or to at least report him. Mother insisted that several of Abnegation's highest ranking council members would do anything to protect Marcus's reputation-- for the good of the faction and the city-- so turning to the council for help is not an option. I have even begged Mother to run away to the factionless together many times, but she refuses. It's not long until my Choosing Ceremony, and she refuses to take that choice away from me. She explained to me that if we were to flee Abnegation now, I would not be eligible for pick a new faction. My mother is intelligent and fierce, I trust she has thought through all scenarios. For now, at least, we are trapped.

"Beatrice," my mother says again, gently. "We have work to do, dear child, and then we need to distribute more food to the factionless. Now, would you like to sweep the fireplace, or dust the furniture?"

The fireplace always used to be Tobias's job. I still think of him, much too often, despite the deep anger I feel every time I do. Over and over throughout every day, the same words ring out in my mind, like a mantra. This is all his fault! Of course I primarily blame Marcus, but I will never forget or forgive Tobias Eaton either.

"You rest, Mother," I offer softly. "I will take care of the chores." Marcus has never laid a hand on me, and it is the harder job, physically. The time on hands and knees will not help her to heal, though I know Marcus will never really give the opportunity for her injuries to subside completely before he inflicts more pain upon her. The dusting I know I can do quickly; I can take care of both so that she can rest.

Mother smiles gratefully, brushing a feather-light kiss against my forehead as she passes me on her way to sit down on the couch.

When I glance back at her, I see her biting her lip, her eyebrows furrowed. "Mother, do you need anything? Let me help," I urge her.

Her eyes shift to the stairs, then back to me. "I need to take my pill and I would rather not walk back up the stairs if I can avoid it," she explains. I nod, urging her to instruct me. I know she is in pain from Marcus's cruelty last night. "On the top shelf in the medicine cabinet, there is a shell-shaped plastic pill container. It is light pink. Can you bring it to me please, Beatrice?"

"Of course, Mother," I say with a smile before I hurry up the stairs. As my eyes scan the shelf, I frown remembering that I have seen this before. She takes one of these every day, and has for as long as I can remember. Why would she need a medication every single day? I wonder as I make my way back down the stairs.

After going to the kitchen to fill with glass with water, I hand her the pill box and the drinking glass. She presses the thin plastic over one of the pills and it pushes through the other side. As I watch her wash the little pink pill down, I blurt out, "Mother, why must you take a pill every day? You have taken those for years. Are you sick?" The idea that my mother could be sick enough to need a special medicine every single day... what if she is really sick? What if she is dying? I can't lose her, too... not after I've lost everything else, every other person who I have ever loved.