Heaven Help Us

This Isn't Fair to Any of Us

Andy’s POV

I saw the little boy grab her hand. He was carrying some sort of stuffed toy or something under his other arm, and talked animatedly to Rain.

I felt a pang of guilt and jealousy.

Jealous of my old self, for having had the chance to have that. Guilty for fucking it up…and for something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

The kid caught my eye as he twisted around once, and his face lit up, and he turned back to Rain, jumping up and down a little.

“Dude, what’s-Ohh.” Jinxx said, following my line of sight.

“What?” I snapped, instantly regretting it.

“Chill, Andy. I get it, now. You agreed to this tour because you miss her.”

I hated how right he was.

“Man, go away. I’ve got things to do. We’ll talk about the set list later.” I muttered, pushing past him onto the bus. I went to the back, where there was a bedroom that I had called dibs on and closed the door behind me, pulling out my cell phone.

I dialed Natalie’s number.

“Hey, Andy!” She said happily into the phone.

“Hey, Natalie,” I said, wanting to get this over with. She was a nice girl, really. But I didn’t love her. I never had, and I probably never would.

“What’s up? Are you on the road yet?”

“Yeah. But, Nat, I was…thinking…and this isn’t fair to you. I think we really need to break up. I feel bad because I can’t love you. I try to; I really do, but I can’t. I’m…in love with someone. I have been for over almost 9 years, and this is not fair to you at all. I’m sorry…”

There was silence on the line for a moment. “Okay. I appreciate your honesty. I know how you feel, actually. I could tell you weren’t really all that into me, but I didn’t want to say anything. You’re a sweet guy, Andy, even under all that bitterness that you like to coat yourself with. Hopefully we can still talk and hang out, as friends, though.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” I said honestly. She was a sweet girl; a great friend. There would be no harm in remaining friends. And it wouldn’t be all that awkward…we never really got past kissing. “I’d like to be friends. Thank you, for understanding, and taking really well. Do you know how many girls would bitch slap me for admitting that?”

“I do know,” She laughed. “Alright, well, I have to go. Auditioning with that really cute actor…what’s his name, Raven Moore? Yeah, that’s it. Raven Moore.”

I laughed lightly. LA was so huge, but sometimes it seemed so small. “He’s gay.”

“Oh,” She said. “Wait, how do you know?”

“Um, I…used to know him.”

“…Did you date him?” I heard slight suspicion in her voice.

“No! I dated his sister.”

She was silent for another moment. “Oh my god! Yes, now I remember. The huge Rain Moore and Andy Biersack break up all over Twitter forever ago! Holy shit, Andy. Alright, well, fuck. Um, good luck on tour, with her, and everything.” She was sincere. “I’ll talk to you later, dude.”

“Yeah, yeah that was us. And totally.” And then the line went dead.

That went so much better than I thought it would.

I sighed and leaned back onto the bed.

So maybe things were going to start looking up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The promised second update! Woo! :)