Abasement With Heavy Hearts

Chapter 9

"I-I'm so sorry." Evan whispered, not letting the tears spill from his eyes.

"Just shut up and get in the house." Jared sighed, walking in before Evan. He tossed the keys onto the table, watching the anxiety stricken boy walk into the house, his phone turned on.

{Texting Connor Murphey}

Connor
Evan, I'm sorry

Connor
Shit Ev, I still have anger issues, I try hard not to lash out but sometimes it happens over random things.

Connor
I almost never apologize, but you actually mean something to me

Connor
You're the only friend I have.

Connor
Please reply

Connor
Ev, again I'm sorry

Connor
I can't excuse everything on my anger issues but I hadn't broken yet today until then.

Connor
I'm really trying, but I'm broken Evan. Remember, we are alike in many ways. I know how you feel.

Connor
I'm really not mad at you. I swear.

Connor
I don't have a reason to be mad.

Connor
I'll be over later if you don't reply. Not to yell, just to make sure you're okay. I don't even know if you're going home....

Connor
Ev, please reply.

Connor
Okay, I'll stop spamming. I care about you Ev, please, don't do anything stupid. I'll be over at 7:00 PM. Don't do anything dumb.

Evan stared at his phone, the tears now spilling over his cheeks. Jared stood to the side, unsure of what to really say.

"Is it Connor?"

Yes

"N-no..."

Jared raised an eyebrow.

"Y-yeah."

"Can I see? I mean, I may tease you, but I don't care if you're gay as fuck. Your mom won't either." Jared inquired, reaching his hand out. Before he could think, Evan had already handed his phone over. Tonight, was one of the few nights his mom would be home early, early being 8:00.

"P-please don't be m-mean to h-him." Evan whispered, collapsing onto his couch, clutching a pillow to his chest. "And I'm not g-gay."

Yes you are you sick freak.

"Okay, so you're bi. Or pan. Or whatever. You can have feelings for Murphey. I still don't like the guy, but I can respect him for you. You two are cute though, Ev." Jared shrugged, handing his phone back. "Mind if I stay till 7? I'll leave then, but he seems to know more than I do about you."

"S-sure."

BREAKBREAKBREAK

The doorbell rang at 7:00 sharp, Evan jerking awake from a nightmarish sleep. Jared got up, jogging to the door apparently too slow, as Connor had begun to rap on the door. Muffled conversations made their way into the living room.

"He's asleep, Murphey."

"Is he okay"

"Yes-"

"Can I see him?"

"I said he's sleeping."

"I'm not angry at him. Look Jared I know I'm fucked up-"

"You threw a printer at a teacher."

"In second grade. I'm never that violent anymore. Yes I push people and yes I yell, but shit Kleinman I'm trying."

"Are you really?"

"It's a fucking slow process."

"I know, but-"

"I started therapy last week. Shit I can't believe I just admitted that."

He's trying? He wants to get better?

"Um, good for you I guess."

"I've never had a reason to get better before, but now I do and he's sleeping in the other room. I won't wake him, just let me there. Please?"

For me?

"Did I hear you correctly?"

Jared stop talking.

"What?"

"Did the Connor Murphey just say please?"

"Fuck off, Kleinman."

Evan sat up on the couch, pulling himself to his feet. He shuffled his feet into the entry room, both teens already occupying the room turning to face him.

"T-thanks Jared. Y-you can g-go." Evan stuttered, toying with his thumb on his broken hand again. Without a word, Jared walked out the front door, closing it behind him. He knew better than to try and talk with Evan, it would only cause more panic.

"Look Ev, I-"

"Let m-me talk, please. That was rude to interrupt you and I didn't mean to insult you. I'm sorry for everything, especially for r-running. I g-got scared... when you raised your voice. You pushed m-me the day we first m-met and I-I thought you were going to do that again."

"I wouldn't do that again, ever. Did you hear anything with Jared?"

"I heard everything with J-Jared."

"Then you know I'm trying. It's not going to be fixed overnight." Connor reasoned, seeing the sadness sink deep into Evan's eyes.

"Believe me, I know. L-look, I don't wanna f-fight. I got scared, I'm weak. I can't realize my f-feelings for you-"

That's because you shouldn't feel them, freak.

"And that's okay. I'm sorry I'm so forward, I guess I have a lot to learn." Connor nervously laughed, gently placing a hand onto his friend's shoulder.

"H-hug it out? O-only if you want, I-I don't want to make things weird." Evan said, stopping as he was enveloped into a hug. Both teens wrapped their arms around each other, careful of the couple week old injures.

"Are we doing the friend thing too fast do you think?" Connor asked, pulling away.

"M-maybe a bit. But neither of us had friends before, so I guess as l-long as we aren't mean to each other or too attached.."

"Then it's okay. Healthy relationship and we're good. You can't be scared of me though, I won't ever intentionally hurt you."

"I know, I know. Still friends?" Evan asked, desperately wanting this conversation to be over. The last few hours had been a nervous hell for both of them.

"Still friends."

Evan, stop, it's like you're five. Just go back to sleep so you're no longer an inconveience.

Nodding, Evan walked back into his house, wincing slightly as Connor closed the door. He was just alone now, as it should be.