So, the last question is a face reveal. And, I do have some explanation on why I'm scared to do one.
Don't worry guys, I will do one. It's at the end. You can go down and see, but I also want to tell you guys why I haven't done one before.
I guess I can start this story around the middle of my 6th grade year. I was a normal girl. I had a lot of friends and I was happy all the time. But one day, I just started changing. I felt different inside. I didn't know it at first, but I became depressed.
I was fine at first. I was still happy, and my friends made me feel even better. Around then, I got Wattpad.
It was awesome. Wattpad made me obbsessed! I kept reading and writing. But, of course, it went south.
After I started writing The Adventures, it starting feeling like a job. Like I had to do it or I would let everyone down.
But I felt like I was disappointing my friends already. Like I wasn't good enough!
Then 7th grade came around, and it got worse.
By then...I started thinking about my body. You can say I'm just saying this to get more reads, but I'm not.
I started telling myself I wasn't beautiful. That I was ugly and not good enough.
"I should just kill myself." I told myself.
I started having bad thoughts then. I thought about, throwing my food up or even worse, ending my life. I didn't do any of those things, and I'm so thankful I didn't.
Here's a secret. I did my first season of Track and Field to lose the extra eight I had. I felt ugly and worthless with the fat.
Then my surgery came around, and what I thought was fat was a tumor. I finally got what I wanted, the skinny stomach.
But for some reason I still felt horrible. It wasn't my body anymore, it was my face and personality.
I. Felt. Terrible. I thought my friends were only there because they felt sorry for my ugly face. I felt like no one wanted to tell or that no one could. I felt, hopeless. Like if I would end my life, no one would even care.
What I was like was different. I felt like I wasn't caring enough. Funny enough. Thoughtful enough.
I felt selfish all the time. I felt like shit.
But, then I got better. Around the time 7th grade was ending I felt like my old self again.
It's not a movie where the girl magically bounces back and sings about cupcakes and glitter.
I'm still depressed. I still want to look perfect. I still feel ugly sometimes.
I never told anyone this deep about my struggles. I mean, I told some friends about my depression, but I didn't explain. Who would want to be friends with a depressed attention whore? Not me..
It's been about three years since I first started feeling this way, but I've felt better since then. No longer suicidal. And I have my confidence back.
Special thanks to Jaiden Animations for her video. She was the one who made me decide to finally tell my friends and followers about my struggles.
And, here's the real me, thank you.
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Of course in this one I have my stupid tounge out XD
