The Potion Princess

Dumbledore Always Brings Bad News

The four go their separate ways after that, Dumbledore and George heading back to Hogwarts and she and Fred making their way to the beach, just a mile down from Bill's new cottage.  She and Fred walk hand in hand down the line of the coast without speaking, the cold water lapping at her heels and the wind tugging at their clothes, pulling the words from their mouths before they had a chance to say them.

"I feel like I should thank you."  Fred doesn't look at her, just stares out to the sea, squinting up at the sun. 

"For saving you sister?"  The question stays without an answer long enough that she takes it as a yes.  "I did what I had to.  And I would have done it regardless of who she was, so don't thank me.  Please, don't thank me."

He seems to respect that, nodding once.  "I'm happy they're okay.  But I'm sorry about your brother."

It was a wonder he could say that, really, after the whole story had spilled out and he had heard exactly how willing Vance had been to kill Ginny.  And how badly Ron had been hurt.  And everything, really.  "He's not a bad guy."  She means it, but can see the muscle in Fred's jaw tighten and is forced to remember all the horrible things he's done.  "Not to me.  To me he was this person I loved and who always took care of me, but just got right and wrong sort of tangled up in his head.  And it ended bad."  She closes her eyes to blink back tears, but just sees the same shadow of Vance in his last moments that has been painted across her eyelids ever since it happened.  Death is an ugly thing, and Vance's was no different.  "It's like I want to split him into two people, one who did all the good stuff and one who did all the bad.  Might make it easier."

She doesn't want to deal with this, not when she was still unsure what she was allowed to feel and how she should feel, and definitely not when Fred was right beside her, staring at her like she was his entire world and he didn't notice the blood that was staining her hands.  So she walks away from him, straight into the water, slowly at first, and then sprinting.  It's too cold, the spray and the chill of the water making pinpricks of pain shoot through her legs and arms.  She keeps moving forward until she's waits deep, the waves beating at her sides and the wind threatening to press her under, until she finally just dives underneath. 

It's okay to scream there, where no one can hear, and when she comes back up, she's able to pretend that the tears on her face are just leftover from the water.   Audra likes it out there, until Fred starts yelling at her to come back and threatening to come out and get her if she doesn't at least answer him.

The walk back is longer than the run forward.  She's soaked to the bone when she makes it to the surface, slipping onto the sand.  When she gets close enough, the water drips from her hair and onto Fred's clothes, making him move back involuntarily.  "I don't want to remember anymore."  She steps closer, pressing herself against him until she's whispering the words into his neck and can feel his breath against on her skin.  "Can you do something for me, Fred?"  She goes on tip toe to look him right in the eye, lets her lips brush against his, just a ghost of a touch.  "Make me feel something else, just for a little while."

Later, when they're stretched out side by side on the beach and are watching the sun go down, she undoes the clasp to her necklace and drops it into Fred's open hand.  It sort of disrupts the moment, which was really peaceful and romantic despite everything, because now Fred's watching her a little warily and has propped himself up one on elbow. 

"I really love this necklace."  She reaches over and opens it up, looks down at the faces smiling back at her.  When she closes it back up, it seems like a very final gesture.  "Keep it safe for me."

She has all of Fred's attention now.  "what's this for?"

"I don't think I can take it where I'm going."  She picks up more pebbles and completes her little drawing, the one of her and Fred's initials.  It'll be washed away when the tide comes in, but at least for now, it's there.  Semi permanent is better than nothing at all.  "As much as I want to."

"So you're really going?"  He doesn't seem surprised, and doesn't argue or ask her not.  Audra didn't think he would, no more than she would ask him to step back from the fight.  Instead, he just pockets the necklace and stares out to sea, hiding his face from her again.  "But you're coming back to me, right?"

"I'm going to try."  She moves in front of his line of sight and leans in, needing to kiss him again, because that's so much better than talking about all this.  Audra tries not to let it feel like a good bye.  "I love you.  So much."

"I love you too."  He lets her kiss him, and they fall back into the sand for the second time that day.  "Always."