Not Yet

chapter 17

Peep peep … peep peep

I hear my phone notify me that I have an incoming message from Avery. I haven’t talked to her since yesterday when we were biking. “hey, you okay?” I read aloud. I send her a message saying I’m okay and it was just a surprising event. I remember that I have to tell Stephanie what happened, so I convert the chat into Steph’s and type the details so fast I thought my hands were going on fire. I know she is busy in the summer, she’s always doing volunteer work, so I have to wait until night time.

I heard a knock on my door and immediately realized it was Jake, being the only one who actually has respect for privacy in this house rather than my nosey parents. I tell him to come in, so he opens the door and obeys. “Can we talk?” I nod. What happened now? “It’s just that everything happened so quickly, so I figured it would be cool if we went out together. Only as friends, I really want to get to know the girl I’ll be sleeping with the upcoming days. Well not sleeping with but sleeping at her house. I know this sounded weird but I didn’t mean it…” he stuttered and babbled. I find this really cute, though. I pity the guy and slam my hand against his mouth to stop his misery midsentence. “Jake, I understood it from the first time, no need to all of this.” I chuckle and see the tip of his ears turn insanely pink. “That would be really cool, let’s go out tomorrow, my knee is still hurting a bit. Though if you want, you can stay here for some time and we can talk?” he nods excitedly and I laugh at the end of my throat so he doesn’t hear. “So my full name is Jake-”.

Jake was interrupted by a phone call. I laugh at his precious expression and ask him to head out of my room giving me space to answer the caller freely. “hey Steph, you finally home?” I answer the call after Jake exits my room. “yeah, I took a shower then read all of your texts, and girl you type fast! Five paragraphs in one minute this MUST be a new record.” She jokes and I laugh. “though, jokes off, we need to have a serious talk.” She changes tones so quickly. “yeah what’s up?”
-“Isn’t it so coincidental that at the exact day and exact time he was in the park, Avery tested you that she wanted to bike ?”
-“ummm, coincidences happen. Remember that day when we were having a girls’ day out but you Shawn so you went with him?”
-“yeah sure coincidences happen, but not in this way.”
-“what do you mean, Steph?”
-“I mean that Avery must’ve planned this. She told him to come so that he can met you!”
-“but Avery would never do that. She hates Alex.”
-“I don’t know… but I know she did this, you know Avery is a big sucker for drama.”
-“yeah but not on my bale! I’m gonna talk to her right now and if she really did that there WILL be problems! Bye…”
-“see ya, when you’re done send me the screenshots, you know.”

I hang up the phone call, and type Avery’s name to text her. I start off with a casual conversation, the usual hellos and “how are you”s. After the casual talk, I send a suspicious message, I want her to know that the cat is out of the bag. The conversation went like this:
-“look, are you busy? ‘cause we need to talk pronto.”
-“yeah what’s up?”
-“don’t you think it was a bit odd to coincidentally meet Alex in the park?”
-“what made you think of this right know?”
-“I don’t know it just came up. Now don’t you think it is a bit odd?”
-“I didn’t think of it like that.”
-“but it was, wasn’t it?”
-“mmm yeah I guess?”
-“almost too perfectly planned.”
-“if I didn’t know you any better, I say you are up to something saying so.”
-“no babe I mean nothing.”
                                               There was a small wait right here
-“did you plan yesterday?”
-“what?”
-“I only want the truth. Did you or did you not plan yesterday?”
-“how did you come up to this conclusion? No, of course I didn’t!
-“Avery I just want the truth. Please tell me, did you or did you not plan that?”
-“what will happen if I said yes?”
-“well, you know me. I will be mad for a couple of days, then talk to you like there is no tomorrow.”
-“okay.”
-“so?”
-“I did. But that was only because he ran into me the other day admitting at first it was just about me, to show me that he can be a really good boyfriend. But after the third month he was really head over heels for you. He really wants a second chance, so I planned this, but I didn’t think you would run away like this. I’m really sorry Cassidy, you know I mean no harm. I really think he is a good guy, I know you still love him.”

I didn’t answer. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless.

-“Cassidy, he changed for you. The Amanda thing was really just a dare. And Aiden? He only wants Alex to suffer. He hates him. In fact, envy him. He doesn’t want Alex to be happy. But Alex was stupid enough to fall for it. Cass, please give him another chance.”

I turn my Wi-Fi off. I don’t want her to text me anymore. I can’t believe she actually did it. I don’t love him anymore. He is a torn paper from my chapter. He is Cupid’s broken arrow. He is this smudge on your T.V. that you just have to sweep in order to watch your favorite soap operas. But unfortunately, he is also my air. He is invisible to me, yet I can’t live without him.

Oh God what is happening to me? Why can’t I get over him? Why can’t I accept the facts?

“A million thoughts in my head, should’ve let my heart keep listening?” I play this song over and over in my head. I think about the envelope Avery gave me. Is it the time to open it? Have I really hit rock bottom?

I start tearing up, my pillow is the only friend I have in this dark world. She listens to my every complain, sweeps my every tear, encourages me to be grateful at the end of the day, opens her arms widely to hug me in the coldest nights. I lean on my friend. And fall into a heavy sleep, with only one idea in mind.

I will never open that envelope.
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