Conflicted Identities (Ackley Bridge)

Chapter 6

Nas

Butterflies were beginning to rise in Nas' stomach once again as she grabs her phone and heads next door for the evening to hang out with Missy. Razia is already over there with Hayley, and Saleem has football practice soon. Obviously, Nas isn't about to confess everything for the sake of it, but she knows that their friendship has been building up to this moment for quite some time now. Missy had attempted to set her up with numerous boys today, all of whom Nas rejected instantly, much to Missy's dismay. That coupled with her recent and seemingly unexplained depressive episodes and a friendliness with Lila that would look at least slightly suspicious to an outsider looking in, Nas is aware that she needs to come clean to her best friend, at least about liking girls. She knows Missy is open-minded and will care about Nas irrespective of whatever she identifies as, but that does little to supress Nas' whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

Nana rarely locks the door in the Booth household, and Nas walks straight through it, straight into a chaotic scenario comprised of Hayley and Razia belting out the lyrics to Valerie, whilst a demented-looking Nana sits with fingers in ears and eyes closed. Nas' eyes widen in horror as Hayley attempts to hit a higher note, and she quickly greets Nana and scurries up the narrow staircase towards Missy's bedroom. "Nas!" Missy exclaims, jumping off of her bed and enveloping Nas in a true Missy style hug. This display of affection amuses Nas, and she laughs wholeheartedly. "Missy babe you saw me like two hours ago, but thanks anyway." Nas responds with a wink, and is met with an instant pillow thump to the shoulder. Missy has Biology homework already, and Nas quickly runs through it with her. She begins thinking about Lila marking and grading the work, and signs her own name alongside Missy's jokingly, accompanied by a heart and a smiley face. The noise situation downstairs is worsening, and the two girls both roll their eyes simultaneously. "Fancy the skip?" Missy asks, "I've got cans and tabs at the ready." She reaches underneath her bed and grabs a four pack of Strongbow dark fruits, then pulls a packet of cigarettes and a lighter from her bottom drawer. Nas places her head into her hands and shrugs. "Yeah sure, I ain't smoking though, never have and never will. But I bagsy a can!" Nas pulls the alcohol from Missy's grasp and makes a run for the door. "Oi you cheeky cow, don't you steal my booze!" Missy yells, hurdling down the stairs and out into the alleyway, where Nas is already climbing up on to the abandoned sofa skip.

The girls are relaxed, contented and ever so slightly tipsy. Missy has been droning on and on about the boys in year 12 for ages, and Nas is pretending to pay attention, listening to what her best friend has to say. However, it is obvious that she has no genuine interest in the matter. Nas stretches and yawns, to which Missy asks "What on Earth is up with you tonight? All of these lads I'm offering to help you pull and you're just vetoing the lot of em'! I mean, I know I've got my eye on him but if you want, you can have Corey?" Nas bursts out laughing, alcohol dominating her every move. "What?!" Missy cries, "Oh God, don't you tell me you've decided to do an Alya and renounce every lad who comes within a metre. That girl is poisonous I'm telling you." Nas can see Missy's frustration levels rising, and in a drunken moment decides she no longer wants to keep her best friend in the dark. "I don't want a boy, Missy" she mumbles, a slight smile still present on her lips. Missy heaves a heavy sigh and shoots Nas a piercing stare. "What do you mean?! Look, I know your mum might go ape, but let me speak to Corey and I'm sure he wouldn't tell anyone." Nas raises an eyebrow and repeats herself. "No, listen. I don't want a boy. Like...ever."

Missy

Ambiguity and uncertainty are both heavily contained within Missy's current facial expression. She has no idea why Nas is so insistent not to have a boyfriend, but it's bloody starting to get on her nerves. Ever since they turned eleven, Missy had been fantasising about double dating with Nas, both girls having handsome boys on their arms and ending the night giggling over a huge chocolate bar with a chick flick playing in the background. Now, on the edge of eighteen- that dream had seldom failed to happen, all because of Nas and her stubbornness. This is all Missy can think of when Nas is sitting next to her, actively shunning the male population. "You're gonna have to find a man someday, loser. How else are we going to plan weddings and apply for 'Real Housewives of Halifax?!" The latter of which had not yet happened, although Missy was hopeful that someday she would be a Real Housewife, just one with a brain at least. Nas gawks at Missy in disturbance, opening her mouth to speak, but failing to find the words. She simply sighs and repeats the same line once more, "I don't want a boy. Not now, not ever." Suddenly, Missy puts two and two together and for the first time, she does not get five. Her eyes widen in bewilderment and she feels her heart stop momentarily. Yeah, Nas hasn't shown an interest in boys- but Missy had just assumed she was too busy with schoolwork, or wanted a proper man. "What, so are you some big hairy lezzer now?" Missy teases, with clear apprehensiveness in her voice. Nas blushes, swallowing and breathing unevenly. She gives Missy a shove in the arm and turn away to hide her flared cheeks. Unable to fully comprehend what she has just heard, Missy raises a hand to her mouth and says "Oh my god, do you fancy me?" Nas quickly swings back around and bursts into a fit of laughter. "No Missy, I don't fancy you." She takes another swig from the can, and almost spits it out in full force when Missy's face falls and she asks "Why not?! I don't mind. Obviously I don't feel the same but we could come to an agreement if you really want me that much." Nas cannot stop giggling. She stretches out an arm and pats Missy's head sympathetically. "No, Miss. I really do not fancy you". "But...you're gay?" Missy inquires, puzzled. "Well, yeah. I mean... I fancy girls, so yeah..." Nas trails off and stares into the distance. Missy assumes this is the first time Nas has told anybody, and despite the shock- she is immensely proud of her best friend. Holding out her hand, Missy takes Nas by the palm and they sit in peaceful silence for a few minutes, each taking the occasional drink. Finally, Missy turns, shuffles towards Nas and gives her a hug. "Thank you for telling me, babe, I'm honestly so glad you did. In the grand scheme of things, it actually helps to explain quite a lot." Nas half smiles, and they sit there quietly, appreciating one another's company until the sun goes down.