lung bouquet | j.jk + p.jm ✓

chapter four

jimin's no stranger to insecurity. the feeling of inferiority that weighs heavy on his shoulders is one that's much too familiar to be considered a concern. it's just part of him now, a rather unpleasant but nonetheless vital part of who he is.

having dealt with it for most of his life, he's in a sort of neutral position with it. he doesn't like comparing himself to anyone and everyone, putting their positive qualities beside his negative ones to inevitably make them out to be the better person, but he accepts it for what it is.

however, there's always been someone that stands tall over everyone else when it comes to sparking his insecurity.

taehyung.

sure, jimin's good friends with him, but he envies him with every fiber of his being. how flawless his skin is, how he always carries the scent of watermelon around with him despite using a scentless body wash, how talent runs through his veins. but most of all, he envies how he has jeongguk by his side through everything.

taehyung could commit mass murder, and jeongguk would still shower him with love at every chance he gets. he gets praised day in and day out by everyone especially jeongguk. you could probably call him taehyung's biggest fan, if you wanted.

wherever taehyung goes, jeongguk goes, and vice versa. they're so close and inseparable that they could be mistaken for fraternal twins. everyone in the group calls them the cover couple, and makes jokes that they'll probably be the most likely to get married.

it makes jimin's heart ache to imagine it turning out that way.

jimin's happy for them, though. even if he not living a fairytale, that doesn't mean jeongguk shouldn't. sure, he may not be pressing kisses to his crush forehead, but taehyung is, and they look happy enough to supply jimin with all of the joy he needs. even though he wishes it was him being able to wrap his arms around jeongguk and sing him to sleep, it isn't. he has to deal with that fact even though it could prove to be the reason he stops breathing.

taehyung may be the one that unconsciously makes him feel like less of a human being, and jeongguk may be the one that makes him cough up flower petals on a daily basis, but he can't bring himself to harbor any bad feeling towards them. they don't deserve it, and they're not responsible for jimin being unable to contain his feelings.

not only does the hurt he feels because of the relationship between the two wreak havoc on his insides, but also on his outer appearance. his eyes have become increasingly darker than they once were, losing their sparkle. he's gotten thinner, almost enough to make himself worry, and always he looks exhausted despite throwing himself into the arms of sleep more than yoongi lately. it's not pretty, and the fans along with the group members have begun to worry.

but now, since he's ran out, he's past the point of making the members worry. his outburst was unexpected, and he doesn't know what made him snap. maybe he was upset at jeongguk for acting like he cared after avoiding him like the plague, or maybe all of the weight on his shoulder grew too heavy. what he does know, though, is that he couldn't stay in that suffocating dorms anymore.

he's suffered within those walls for so long. he's suffered silently, his struggle having to be played off as a pretty bad case of the stomach flu. his own group mates are tearing their hair out because of him, not focusing on what they're supposed to be concentrating on because of him, and he feels so terrible about it. everything is his fault. a result of not being able to keep his feelings under control.

i'm the reason everyone else is afraid. they're scared for me, about how i'm actually holding up, and they don't even have a clue at what's going on because i'm too much of a wimp, jimin thinks, his hand still covering his mouth in an attempt to keep the petals from falling.