Title: Revenge
Author: LolMaster9O1
How many chapters I read: 3
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 2.5/5
Originality (was it too cliché, etc): 4/5
How well it captivated me (was it able to grab my attention, etc): 3/5
Comments/Suggestions:
I think you have a really great idea going on here! I found myself feeling bad for Opal in the beginning, because it didn't seem like she deserved such terrible treatment and physical/emotional abuse. I found myself wanting to continue reading more in order to find out what she was going to do next to the people who wronged her. It was especially interesting to read the scene where Opal was torturing Crystal, because it showed a very malicious side to her as well. Your chapters were short enough to keep the reader captivated, and I liked the contrast you created between Opal before and after she put on the necklace.
What I'd like to suggest, though, is to work on your grammar and sentence structure, because there were moments where you would capitalize letters after commas and it'd distract me from the actual story. Also, I think it would be better if you put spaces in between paragraphs, because it was a little hard to see where some paragraphs ended and where others began. Try to make the reader relate to Opal more as well through character development by including more descriptions and details about her life and past. Doing this will also slow down the pace a bit. Curious to see what Opal does next! :)
Hope this helped xx
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