Title: The Bunny Followed Me Home From School Today
Author: AllAmericanLisa
How many chapters I read: 3
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 3.5/5
Originality (was it too cliché, etc): 5/5
How well it captivated me (was it able to grab my attention, etc): 4.5/5
Comments/Suggestions:
I loved the fact that, at first, you find yourself laughing over the concept of someone in a bunny costume following you, but as you get further into the story, it takes on a more serious, horrific tone. You took something that should've been humorous and definitely put your own dark twist to it. Further into the story, the mood turns eerie, which is exactly the thing that makes horror stories so captivating. I also found that Sydney's personality was really projected through her voice. The reader knew what she was thinking and how she sees the environment and people around her, such as her friend, Reese. You also slowly see her feeling as though she's losing her sanity, which was really interesting to read and left me wanting to read even more.
What I'd like to suggest, though, is to undergo some editing, because there are some grammatical errors and if fixed, it'd make your story all the more effective. I found that you had commas in areas where you didn't really need them, but it doesn't take much attention away from your actual story. Also, try to slow down your pace a bit, because it really makes the reading experience all the better when the reader's able to get a clear visual of what's going on. All in all, I think you truly have a great idea, and I'm curious to see what will happen with Sydney further into the story.
Hope this helped xx
YOU ARE READING
Reading Requests (Open)
RandomYou write, I review. This is where I'll be taking reading requests for your stories and writing reviews for them, because there are so many writers out there who don't get the recognition they deserve. Also, there are many out there who write amazin...
