Stay | Arctic Monkeys Fanfiction

Thirty Six- I Was Made To Break Your Heart

...What?

"What?" I stammered, trying to wrap my head around her words.

"You heard what I said."

I stared at her like she was absolutely fucking insane.  Because she was.  

"I'm not going to do that."

A sinister smile spread across her painted lips.  "Yes you are.  And then you're going to pack up all of your things and you're going to catch the next flight back to Sheffield.  "

"I'm not-"

"You are," she cut me off, her voice sharper than before.  "I'm doing this for you, Emilia.  Trust me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," she said.  "How heartbreaking would it be to see Alex's career destroyed and know that you're the cause of it?"

My breathing went shallow.  "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about," she said.  "You're his best friend, after all.  You know what he did.  And you know that I hold all of the power to expose it."

Oh my god.  The accident. 

She wouldn't. 

But as I looked at her dead in her cold eyes, I knew with my entire being that she would. 

"You can't do that," I said, pointlessly.

She gave me a patronizing look.  "I can."

I could have killed her.  I really could have fucking killed her.

"That isn't love," I said, rage burning through every cell of my body.  "You don't do that to people you love."

She smiled venomously.  "It isn't about love anymore."

She was going to expose the accident to everybody if I didn't do what she said.  I felt like I was going to throw up.  

I turned to leave, but her voice stopped me before I could.  

"You should really think about your next move," she said.  "Sure, you can go tell Alex and the two of you can run away together.  But do you actually think you two would ever work out?"

I opened my mouth to tell her to fuck off, but she spoke before I could.

"Think about it, Emilia.  Alex isn't going to move back to Sheffield after this is all over.  His life is in LA now.  His friends, his career... it's all there.  It's not like just because the two of you have started hooking that everything is going to go back to the way it was when you were kids."

Her words burned through me.  I wanted to push her back against the wall and tell her that she was wrong, that she had no clue what she was talking about.

But I couldn't, because her words made sense.

And that made me impossibly angry.

"The two of you would never work together," she said.  "Not the way that he and I do.  And you know it.  You know what the right thing to do is here, Emilia."

I had a choice.

I could do what my head and my heart and my soul begged me to do: run down to the house and tell Alex everything. He would take my side and he would kiss me and we would leave together.

But if I did that, Estella would destroy his career.

And I knew Alex. He would tell me some humble shit, like I was worth more than his career. Or maybe he'd say that we could all talk it out.

But even if that happened, Estella was right.  We lived in different worlds, he and I.  Worlds that never touched.

And I knew what was best for Alex more than he did. I always had.  

I felt the angry tears brimming in my eyes.  I turned away from her and headed for the door, not really sure where I was going.  I just needed to get away.

I had my hand on the door handle, ready to run, when her voice stopped me.

"If you love him," she said, her voice more gentle than before.  "You'll leave tonight and never look back."

I did love him.  I loved him more than I thought was possible.  And that's why my heart was glass, shattering into shards of despair.

Because I knew what I had to do.

I loved Alex.  

I loved him, 

I loved him, 

I loved him...

And that's why I left Estella's room and headed back to the boy I loved, tears falling the entire way there.

I loved him, 

I loved him,

I loved him...

And that's why I had to let him go.