It's Worth the Humiliation // frerard au (sadist/masochist) (DISCONTINUED)

13. I got used to the sound of cars crashing in my head

It has been a few weeks since I moved into my new apartment. I haven't slept well since then, the cars outside the building rushing by at all time, never resting. Bags were beginning to form underneath my eyes, forcing Gerard to worry about me.

"Are you ok, Frankie? Are you getting enough sleep?" He would ask every time he saw me. I his would always reply with a slight nod or a small yes and it seemed to satisfy his thoughts.

Every morning, I got up at 5 and ran for at least an hour, maybe even two if I felt like it. If Gerard spent the night, he would come with me to watch how good I had gotten. In just three weeks, I could run a mile in about nine minutes. I was working towards under eight, like before.

As many times as I have been on my own though, this time was different. Gerard was always with me when I lived with him, now he isn't with me as much, or at least it doesn't feel like he is, even though he is there practically everyday. Even when he stays over for the night or even two, I hardly sleep.

It was 4:28am, the sun was still down, the darkness attempting to leak into the small room Gerard and I were in but failed miserably due to the bright, chemical lights of the city. There were various blues and yellows and pure white seeping into the walls of the apartment bedroom, contracting my eyes as they light became more prominent as more turned on.

I finally decided to roll over so that my back was facing the blinding world outside of the room that made me restless. I closed my eyes for a couple of second, breathing in slowly, getting a good grip on reality. I could feel the mattress under me, the cool sheets my bare legs traveled through, the thick blanket thrown onto Gerard at 3:00am. I was soon very aware of my surroundings. For the first time in three weeks, I listened so closely to the wind outside the glass door that let to the small balcony. I could hear not only the cars on the street below, but also the music that escaped form a small, almost unnoticeable cracked window. I imagined who the driver was, what the passengers were like.

As I was thinking about all of these things, I felt a finger slowly move across my cheek, making me feel safe. I opened my eyes, seeing Gerard, a smile lingering on his lips for a second or two before he moved closer to rest them on my own. After a long kiss, he pulled away, looking at me with concern. "Why aren't you asleep?" He breathed out. When I didn't answer he propped his head on his hand, tucking his hair behind his ear with his other hand. "Have you been awake this whole time?"

"Yeah," I said quietly, laying on my stomach, my hands under my head. The pillow below my head was soft, making me happy. I began dozing off, only to be woken up again by the sound of a car honking. I jumped slightly, making Gerard jump as well.

He sighed, you need to get some rest." He stated as if I didn't know that myself.

~ ~ ~

"Wake up, Frank, we're here." Gerard said, shaking me awake.

My eyebrows furrowed, my breathing getting heavy for a second before leaving my lungs. "You told me I need to rest, now you want me to wake up?" I asked, my voice groggy.

"Sleep wasn't the rest I was talking about, but fine, if you want to have a bad attitude, we'll leave." He sassed, starting the engine again.

I opened my eyes, looking around at our surroundings. "Sleep at your house?" I asked in a confused tone. I was dazed, I hadn't slept properly in awhile. If I stayed awake much longer I would never wake up.

"Close." He stated, turning the engine back off, stepping out onto the quiet street. He rushed around to my side of the car, opening my door and letting me out. I somehow followed him inside and to his room. I ripped off my jacket, kicking my shoes to the wall, and finally throwing myself down onto the soft mattress I missed so much.

I closed my eyes for a good five minutes, not alseep, just lying there, listening to Gerard move stuff around. I was curious but too tired to actually lift my head and satisfy my thoughts. Luckily, I didn't have to look or move in order for my interest to go away, Gerard did it for me.

"This is the rest I was talking about." He chuckled, slipping something into my hand. Without thinking I brought it to my lips, assuming it was a cigarette and it couldn't cause anywhere near as much damage as not sleeping. Gerard brought a lighter to the stick, setting the end on fire. My lungs inhaled out of habit, bringing an old taste to my tongue I wasn't exactly expecting.

I automatically relaxed as soon as I let my lungs be free of the organic drug. I covered my face with my hands, rubing my eyes with my palms, letting out a small laugh. Gerard was moving again, the lighter setting fire to yet another stick.

Once he exhaled softly, the smoke filling the empty space in his room, he crawled onto the bed beside me. "Better?" He breathed out with more smoke, kissing my cheek sweetly.

I nodded my head slowly, taking another longing drag, my mind shutting down, my heart rate calming. Within the next fifteen minutes, I managed to get high enough to be honest with Gerard about a little sliver of my past.

I snickered, letting out a frustrated moan, "Here we go again with this bullshit." I never opened my eyes, "I'm just gonna get addicted again so I can sleep," I laughed solemnly, "for sleep." I took one last hit, of the blunt as to say cheers.

Suddenly, everything was so peaceful; it was time to sleep. I didn't even care when my boyfriend asked what I meant.

~

Hope you all enjoyed this little filler chapter, hopefully this story will pick up again. I know it's kinda transforming into something different, but I think it'll be good. I think in the next chapter I am going to take a different turn in the story (kind of). Let me know if you guys have any suggestions for me and what you guys would like to see!

If you liked this and want to find more Frerard to read, check out a book here on my profile called Cachexia written by me and gothclaudia_thanks!

Also, the video at the top is an edit/mix type thing made by the bootleg boy on YouTube! if you liked it, be sure to check them out!

-Ian.x