It's Worth the Humiliation // frerard au (sadist/masochist) (DISCONTINUED)

11. rushing time never worked for mankind

It was over: the boredom of waiting on someone. the swelling anger of being waited on. All of it, it was over, This was what I had been anticipating; I was so eager for it to come around, but it wasn't too long until I realized I could have rushed time if I really wanted to, I could have brought this moment to me instead of waiting on hand and foot for it to come to me.

We all know that time travels at a painfully slow rate, intimidating you, torturing you until you die from lack of basic human needs. I was suffering, I couldn't sit and wait anymore. I had to rush time. Many people tried before and unsurprisingly failed; failing was nothing new to me, so why not take a chance? Isn't that what life is about?

I decided to make my move, all of my goals and ideas of doing something about the mental disturbance would finally be acknowledged and put first. Anyone who stood in the way of my determination would more than likely be destroyed in my path, left behind along with all my other infamous ruins.

For two months, I had been waking up early before Gerard so that I could accomplish goal number one: finding time for myself to spend alone, and with the two hours I have every morning, I ran. When I was in middle school, I was in athletics. I loved running, I practiced everyday and by the end of my 7th grade year, I could run a mile in under eight minutes. Now I was unhealthy and got pains in my muscles when I walked more than I normally did. It wasn't just the time alone I was looking for though, I was preparing for something bigger, and I wasn't exactly planning on telling anyone about it. I could hardly even admit it to myself.

My next goal was to move out of Gerard's house. I already knew I couldn't go back to live with my parents, so I had to find my own apartment, and with that came goal number three: get a well enough paying job to where I can actually save up money to find an apartment and support myself.

Once I announced my moving out to Gerard, he seemed to be shocked, as if none of it was obvious. He was silent for a few seconds before asking the question I knew would come. "Why? You don't have to, no one is making you!" He said, amazement settling on his features, looking at me, not risking looking through or past or behind because even the slightest movement of muscles could answer his question. I didn't have to vocally explain why I was leaving, even a twitch could tell him.

"I have to," I breathed, looking at his wall, soon breaking focus and shifting my head to the side a little, looking at Gerard's hair instead of those tempting hazel eyes of his.

"Why?" He asked again, quietly this time, running his finger gently down my leg.

I looked back to his eyes, forgetting about my goals for a minute, but quickly remembering the impossible task I was taking on, proceeding with my plan. "Because it isn't just your house, it's Mikey's and your mom's house too. It's your home, it isn't mine." I didn't move my head from the position it was in, barely moving my features, being sure I didn't allow any thing into my path, careful to destroy as little as possible.

After 30 seconds of nothing, I exhaled, grabbing his face by the cheeks, kissing him deeply, my throat swelling from anger at myself. "Help me move in?" I asked, pulling away and standing from my previous spot on the bed.

I looked down at him until he nodded. He stood and we both grabbed a few boxes of my stuff, the things we finally got from my parents' house one night when they weren't home.

Once we had everything packed into the van, Mikey gave me much needed advice, reminding me to replace the screws in the door with longer ones so it will be more difficult to rob me, hoping I would actually listen; I did of course. He gave me a small side hug and waved at Gerard as we got inside the vehicle.

The ride across town was quiet, so I decided to speak, break the tension. "You and I both know this was eventually going to happen." I sighed, nearly hitting my head on the dashboard when Gerard hit the breaks.

"No, Frank, you and I both didn't know, only you did. You planned this, how could I have possibly seen this coming?" Gerard yelled, soon picking speed up again without saying anything else.

"You do know that it isn't because of you, right?" I asked after a few minutes of momentary silence. "Right?" I asked, hoping he knew that.

"Then why?" He questioned, parking the van in front of my apartment building, my new home.

I looked at him slowly, a few cars passing by his window. "Because..." I breathed in a shameful breath, "I can't have you giving up everything for me. You don't have to do that for me, you were practically forced to give up everything up, you didn't ask for me to move in..." I wasn't finished and he knew that, so he didn't speak even though he was practically biting his tongue to keep quiet, something bubbling inside of him, but he let me explain. Even though he eagerly wanted to spill his thoughts all over this drab downtown façade that he would ultimately relate with me betraying him, he let me explain why I was doing what I was doing; easy. "I have to do something for myself." So easy I could sum it up in one sentence.

He nodded, his lips parting to speak, but before he could get any words out, his tongue slid across his top row of teeth, sealing his thoughts away from the world, away from me.

"Just say it." I breathed quietly. "Please."

"Does that something even remotely involve me?" He asked, meeting my eyes as I looked up to meet his.

I stayed quiet for a few moments, thinking. "Only if you don't leave."

We sat in silence for what seemed like hours but turned out to be just minutes wasted. Gerard finally found something to say, turning to me, "I'm not leaving."

~

OK!!! I'm back! I just edited this chapter so that I can finally continue this fic! I'm so excited, ive been wanting to continue this for a long time so look forward to more updates and don't forget to leave comments and votes so I know how I'm doing.

also, if youre looking for another frerard au fic to read to pass your time with, I have moved a book @gothclaudia_ and I were working on together over onto my account, it is called Cachexia!

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT @gothclaudia_ AND I WERE BOTH WORKING ON THAT FIC TOGETHER, BT SOMETHING CAME UP AND NOW I AM WORKING ON FINISHING THE BOOK ALONE UNLESS SOMETHING CHANGES, THE COVER FOR CACHEXIA WAS MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR OUR SHARED ACCOUNT, SO THE AUTHOR NAME AT THE BOTTOM OF THE COVER DOES SAY THAT ACCOUNT NAME BUT STILL BELONGS TO ME AND EM (gothclaudia_). IF YOU ARE INTRESTED IN SEEING MORE OF CACHEXIA, PLEASE LET ME KNOW BY VOTING, COMMENTING, OR JUST IM ME, I HAVE A FEW CHAPTERS READY TO BE UPLOADED! THANKS GUYS!

-Ian.x