Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life”

I felt like this song contains all of my feelings. I lost my best friend because I was too blind to realize what I really felt. I fucking loved my friend! But now it was too late.. My friend was gone. Forever.

Why hadn't I seen the glimpses? The sadness and the hidden love? Why hadn't I heard the pain in his voice? The jokes my friend had made weren't all that happy I knew them, they were kind of serious. And then this call.. He should have known that something was wrong.


Please Jack! I need my best friend right now...” I sighed. “Alex, I am fucking tired right now. We were on tour and now I wanna sleep like forever. Can't this wait till I've slept?” I mumbled, heading to my warm, comfortable bed.

Jack, man.. please, this is the only thing I beg you for.. Just for once..” His voice trembled and broke at the end. I stopped dead in my tracks. That didn't sound good, not at all. But what am I supposed to do? Going to him and help him through whatever he was dealing with? Or let him sleep and think about it?

Jack.. You are the only one I trust enough.. Please come and just listen..” Alex begged on. “Okay.. I'll be at yours in half an hour or so. Let's just hope there won't be a traffic jam.” I gave in. I knew Alex wasn't someone who trusted easily and it's an honour to have his trust. “Thanks.. And hurry up.”


Fuck. Just fuck this shit! Why had this accident to happen right now?! Alex needed me. And fuck, I'm so scared he would harm himself. He sounded fucking suicidal.

I tried to call him but he didn't answer. “Alex, hurry up you butthead and answer your fucking phone!”


I was at his house now and there are no lights on. Had he gone to sleep? I didn't think so, he hadn't sounded like he could sleep at all. I rang his bell but no reaction. Again I rang with the same result.

I sighed and took his spare key (he hid it under a flowerpot) and unlocked the door.

Alex?! Where are you?” I shouted. I was worried. And when I was worried it has to mean something. I was the most careless person on this planet.

I went into his bedroom and got the biggest shock I would ever had. Alex, lying on the floor. A knife in his hand. His arms were bleeding like hell. And his chest wasn't moving.

Flashback over

Now I'm sitting in the hospital next to my best friend. He had lost so much blood.. But he was lucky I found him. Otherwise he would be dead.

Just to see him lying there literally broke my heart. He was so pale like he was already dead and his wrists were covered in thick bandages. On the rest of his arms were scars. He had self harmed for such a long time and nobody had noticed anything. Of course, why should we? He hadn't acted any different than we knew.

But I should have noticed anything. His eyes hadn't the spark any more they used to have. He became thinner and thinner with every week passing by. He stopped taking care of his hair which he really loved. Instead of shining bright and just looking good it fell flat on his head. He used to be very vain and wore always the best clothes but then he wore only sweatpants and a hoodie.

He always said he was fine, so what should we do? We knew he had to deal with his brothers death and his anxiety but never thought he was suffering like this. He didn't want to talk about him or about his problems. He always kept silent and tried to deal with everything alone. He hadn't lost one word about how he felt.


A/N: So, first part :D exited of how you'll find it ;)

I think each chapter will have its own song. This chapter is titled with "How to save a life" from The Fray. I guess it suits the whole story :)

Hope you'll like the oncoming stuff :D

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