The Bipolar's Diary

5

21st January, 2002...

Did you like the picture? I'm glad, then. Well after all, it's just a pure candid I not... fully... deliberately... took.

Look, the point is... I sneaked up to him and found him leaning to the brick wall, musing as he's whistling beautiful tunes from his lips.

So, I pulled out my phone and click that camera button. At least, the result isn't disappointing me after all.

I thought I could really use a mood booster from that but... I don't think it really works, though. I still, for some crazy reasons that I don't exactly know; feel like there's something missing.

Something is... missing from me. At least, that's what I feel and I think. But, I checked my room and my backpack. Everything's fine and complete as usual.

So what's exactly missing from my life? Happiness? Love? Him? Charles Redwood? Ah, I don't really think so.

The truth is... I've never been any closer to him any moment but just then back at the school, after I took the picture.

I approached him, said happy birthday with a tender sincere smile, and gave the gift; still wrapped in wrapping papers to him.

He smiled and said thank you, I said you're welcome. I mean, how can I not say you're welcome to the people I can bow down to?

But that's okay; you never have to worry about me, diary. Seriously, you won't ever have to. This is regular and normal.

I sometimes feel so sad and lonely even when it's a huge celebration, my life is merry and crowded with so much kind peoples.

But I can also sometimes feel so happy and excited and feeling so comfortable and grateful of my life when the truth is... no one cherish me in that day.

I don't know why. But I don't need to. I'm quite me when I have him around. See you later, perhaps tomorrow, diary.

I'm also really sorry if I write only a little yesterday and today, well... I wrote shortly for different reasons.

I wrote a short entry for yesterday since I'm too busy preparing his gift, and being so speechless since I'm too happy and excited. Got carried away with the joyful atmosphere.

But today... I don't even think I have anything else to write. Feeling lonely and bored in this cold lonely world, with no one even ever care about me.

Yet, I feel like I'm being a cover girl. Wait, what? Ah, forget it. Alright then, goodbye and as usual, see you later, diary.