Greek Myths: A Retelling of The Most Famous Myths

I love Greek Mythology. So I thought I would write all the myths I've read but in simpler and more modern terms and also leave little notes to help clarify. This chapter is on how the world started(to the ancient Greeks) and how the Gods took Mt.Olympus from the Titans. Next chapter or two will be "character" bios. Now because these were passed originally by word and not written down till many years later some stories have different variations so if I say something in a myth but you heard something different, don't worry we're still both right. So let's start, Shall we?

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The universe used to be a dark scary void of chaos. Then out came Gaea(a.k.a earth). From Gaea came her "son" Uranus(the sky). Soon they started having children( I know some of you are like ew he's her son and others are like how). The titans were the first. Uranus was a proud papa. His kids would be amazing. But then they had more kids and um, they weren't what you would call perfect. There were the Cyclops, strong one eyed giants, and the hecatoncheires(what a mouth full, we'll call them the 100/50 boys) monsters each with 100 arms and 50 heads. Even though they weren't perfect Gaea loved them( she probably didn't hug the 100/50 boys though). Uranus decided to be a duche bag dad and trapped the Cyclops and 100/50 boys in Tartarus- the deepest pit in the Underworld. His reason was because they were ugly. Well Gaea was obviously super pissed that Uranus was a jerk so she decided to get one of the titans to over throw their dad and take their brothers out of Tartarus.

"Ya ma, no dad scares us," Oceanus and Hyperion said.

"Maybe if I was nuts," Coeus said.

"I would love to mother but I have plans today, tomorrow and forever," Crius said.

"I really would but Themis and I were going to go see that new species, the one with black and white spots," Iapetus said.

Only the youngest, Cronus, was brave enough to do it.

"Sure hand me that sickle," Cronus said.

Bada-bing bada-boom Cronus banished his dad from Earth(that was way too easy for Cronus to do). But Cronus was cruel and a tool and kept his brothers trapped.

" Everybody bow down to me, Cronus Lord of the Universe!"

"I can't tell which is worst you or Uranus," Gaea said but Cronus' ego was to large for him to hear his mother. Now despite the fact that he was obviously a total tool his older sister(yes sister), Rhea, and Cronus got married and had many children. Problem was Cronus feared one of his kids would overthrow him like he did to his dad(of course he would fear that). So after each kid was born Cronus would eat them.

Side Note: Why did Rhea stay? After he ate two of their babies wouldn't she leave his sorry ass? Or stop having children? But she did neither, tells you how messed up her mind set was.

Well she had 12 babies in all. When the twelfth was born she decided he wouldn't get eaten(for reals it took Cronus to eat 10 babies after the first one for you to decide this!). So she took baby Zeus to a distant cave and gave Cronus a rock wrapped up in a blanket to eat(how he fell for that just proves he needed to be overthrown). Well Zeus was taken care of my a few nymphs and their goat and was kept a secret by his warriors, The Cruetes(when he cried they'd clash their armor together to disguise the sound).

Soon Zeus grew to an adult(he was god they grow fast). Now Rhea was still pissed at her tool of a hubby(well duh he ate 11 of your children, why didn't you try to stop him earlier). So she asked Zeus and his new wife Metis, a titan's daughter, for help.

Metis made this drank that made Cronus through up all his unharmed and fully grown children(they're gods who are immortal). Zeus freed his uncles from Tartarus and they prepared to fight the titans.

The Cyclops built weapons.

"Lightning bolt for Zeus," Arges said.

"Trident for Poseidon," Brontes said.

"And a helmet that can make you invisible, Hades," Steropes said.

For ten years battle raged on when finally Cronus and the rest of the titans were thrown into Tartarus. Where they were to be guarded by their 100 armed brothers(and don't forget between the three of them that's a 150 eyes).

Mother Earth(see what we did there) was finally at peace. Rule over the universe(back then the earth was it's own universe) was divided by the three brothers. Zeus got the sky and heavens, Poseidon got the sea and poor Hades got the Underworld.

"Why do I get the Underworld? I'm not that dark and gloomy am I?"

The Cyclops built the gods a palace on top of the great Mount Olympus.

"What kind of Uncles would we be leaving you guys homeless?" And thus the story has just begun(and thus sounds so formal >.<).