Shakespeare's Coffee House

Chapter One: A Show Of Appreciation

Character List:

▪ The Wicked Witch of the West
▪ Emmett, a common thief.
▪ Grat, Emmett's brother and also a thief.
▪ Thoth, the scribe of the gods.
▪ Galileo Galilei, the astronomer.
▪ Anubis, the patron god of the embalmers.
▪ Amenhotep, son of Hapu - famous architect and supervisor of Pharaoh's building projects.
▪ Khnumhotep the potter.
▪ Sennefer, the overseer of the granaries, fields, gardens and cattle of Amun.
▪ Thotmes, Pharaoh's furniture maker.
▪ Ramos the embalmer.
▪ Jean-François Champollion - collected mummies, but some were stolen.
▪ Kamose, the undertaker. Some of his coffins were damaged by a flood.
▪ Men, the keeper of the Treasury of the Great God Amun. His treasury house was too small to stock everything.
 ▪ William Shakespeare

...

Anubis and Galileo sat sipping coffee together, as was their usual custom on Wednesday mornings. Shakespeare's coffee house was unusually crowded, considering how empty the street was of traffic and passersby.

"We've got to find a project for Kamose and Men to invest in—they are depending on us. Amun will rain punishment down on my head if I cannot help Ramos expand the Treasury House to safely keep his tithes," moaned Galileo.

"Maybe if we all pool our money together," Anubis continued in the same line of thought, "we can find one that will have a more acceptable profit for all of us. Men is overburdened with business since the flood, and you and I need to recover from our own recent business blunders!"

Unfortunately for them, Emmett and Grat—notorious thieves—were sitting at the next table and overheard their conversation. They called Shakespeare from behind the counter to come and talk to them. "Just as the sun permits itself to be covered by clouds, first permit me to finish making this mochaccino with extra chocolate sprinkles," Shakespeare yelled over his shoulder. He added the finishing touches, delivered the drink to an impatient customer, and walked himself over to their table. "What about your rants?" he asked with an exasperated sigh.

Emmet was the first to speak. "Who are these blokes at the table next to us?"

"Yah—wots their storay?" Grat added.

"Thou doth speak of Galileo the astronomer and Anubis, the patron god of the embalmers," sneered Shakespeare.

The two brothers gave each other a wink. "Introduce us," ordered Grat. Emmet pressed fifty dollars into Shakespeare's palm. Still pressing, he added, "...as world famous investors," and gave Shakespeare a threatening look.

"Such antics do not amount to a man," Shakespeare snapped as he pulled his hand away with the money. Looking at the money thoughtfully for a moment, he smiled widely at the brothers, "Being your slave, what should I do but tend upon the hours and times of your desire?"

Galileo and Anubis heard someone clear their throat and turned to see Shakespeare smiling broadly. "A thousand pardons for the interruption. For your pleasure, I introduce two knaves; rascals; eaters of broken meats; base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knaves; lily-livered, action-taking knaves; whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogues; one- trunk-inheriting slaves; two that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of knaves, beggars, cowards, pandars, and the sons and heirs of a mongrel bitch; two of whom I will beat into clamorous whining if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition!" Noticing the blank stares of incomprehensibility on the faces of all four men upon finishing this long-winded introduction, Shakespeare said flatly, "They're international finance and investment wizards." With a roll of his eyes and a quick turn-about on his heels, he headed back to his work behind the counter.