Dangerous Desires (MurdochxGillies)

Chapter Seven: Goodbye

Gillies watched as the detective rose from the bed and left for work. It had been a few days since he had arrived here at Murdoch's little flat and he found himself to be enjoying his time with the detective more than he imagined. William was still refusing to have sex with him, the devout Catholic he was. However, they had done many other things. Something was different this morning though. William Murdoch seemed downcast and uneasy. Gillies had a suspicion it was about Dr.Ogden, but with his head still a bit fuzzy from that blow to the head earlier that week he couldn't be sure. It could've been his jealousy talking too. He smirked slightly recalling how much he had changed the detective in such a short amount of time. What did he have to be jealous about? He was James Gillies. 

***

Detective Murdoch stumbled into the constabulary, his mind racing with anxiety. He had to tell Julia that it was off. He couldn't stand to lie to her face and to himself any longer. It had only been a few days since James came back but already he was infatuated, absorbed into the man. He was an equal to Murdoch intellectually and he made him feel daring and manly. He had never felt this way before even with Julia and she deserved to be set free and to find someone that made her feel that way. James, of course, would be delighted to hear the good news that they could be together at long last. He was nervous, anxious, and overall excited for today. However, he also knew that people would ask questions and that Julia would ask questions. Questions he wasn't yet prepared to answer. Taking a deep breath, he rang the doctor and asked her to meet him at the park in an hour. She seemed delighted to do so. Murdoch drew a hand across his brow and sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. 

***

" Ah, Julia. There you are." William said. 

Julia walked up to him, her smile bright and her blue and white dress looking rather lovely on her. Blonde ringlets surrounded her face. "William, I'm glad you called me out, but whatever for?" 

He furrowed his brow and gestured to a bench. "Would you mind?"

She sat and noticed that while she did so he did not. William stayed standing and looking at her rather sadly. "What is it, William? What's happened?" 

Murdoch sat then, and almost took her hands in his but stopped so as not to confuse her. "Julia. I'm sorry but there is something I must confess."

She nodded apprehensively, "William, you know you can tell me anything."

"Yes. Yes, I'm afraid I do," he sighed, "Julia, I'm afraid I've fallen in love with someone else." 

The silence stretched for what seemed like ages as Julia felt her eyes tear up and her throat close. She was trying very hard not to cry. So, she decided she would be angry instead. 

"Who is she?" 

Murdoch sighed, "Julia, I am so sorry. I never intended to, you must know that. It simply happened and you don't deserve a man who is in love with someone else. Of course, I still have feelings for you. However, this is unlike anything I've felt before and I want you to be able to experience it with someone as well. Someone who deserves you." 

Her eyes were misted over, and she felt tears trace down her cheeks. "William, you must know that you deserve the world. I never deserved a great man like you. Unable to bear children, or to be a loving house wife with a strict religion. I could never deserve you William Murdoch." Her anger was replaced with sadness and self-loathing. 

Murdoch took her hands. "You are the most remarkable woman I have ever met and the only woman I have ever loved. You must know that none of those things you have mentioned made you any less in my eyes and they are not the reasons for my falling for someone else." 

Dr.Ogden listened carefully and came to a conclusion. "You said I was the only woman you ever loved...does that mean that this other person isn't a..?" Her voice halted slightly at the last word. She couldn't bring herself to say it. Murdoch simply looked away, confirming her theory. This made everything different. She couldn't be mad at him for something he couldn't control. 

"William..did you know before this other person?" He shook his head ardently. Julia nodded, her psychiatric knowledge going through her brain about closeted homosexuals who had no notion of their sexuality. As far as she was concerned it was common considering most men never experimented with the opposite sex. She gave him a brief smile.

"I forgive you, William. It's going to take me a while to adjust, however. So, if you'll excuse me." She stood, her eyes misted and her voice trembling. She did smile though. Even if it was a sad one. William watched as she walked away, his heart heavy and light all at the same time. She really was the most remarkable woman he had ever known, but it would seem that women weren't quite his area. 

After a few minutes, William Murdoch rose and donned his hat. He was off to his flat before returning to work. James Gillies was in for the surprise of his lifetime.

*****

Hey Guys! Thanks for being patient. I decided I could work with what I had already written for the direction I plan on going. Thank you for waiting so long. The next chapter will be up by Wednesday night so stay tuned. I think you'll like what I have planned for the next one. Also, it will be longer as I'm trying to fit all the smut in with chapter that also contain plot points. Not that some smut isn't related to the plot. Anyway~ please comment what you think and dont forget to hit that star! 

Love,

Rachel