Night and Day

Chapter 21: Bonnie

When I went to work the following weekend, my mind was muddled. Nathan's face continued to disrupt my thoughts, regardless of what I tried to think about, and I found myself lost, caught as I was between my own emotions. I almost felt breathless, so intense and rapid were these feelings. I had heard of such concepts as love at first sight, and of soulmates. Yet never had I taken such ideas seriously. In all honesty, I had not even been a victim of the former concept; my first meeting with Nathan had been unremarkable and, while I had respected him, it had never crossed my mind that I might actually like him. He had been fair to look at, but he had been the boss's son, and fairly older to boot; he had been just another face to me, and this fancy I felt now could never have been predicted. That he should also take an interest in me was even more startling.

I knew that this could be dangerous. I had entered into serious relationships before, only for my heart to be shattered. All the men from the past were like shadowed sentinels. They continued to degrade me, even in my thoughts, and I shuddered to think of Nathan turning into another monster. I even felt it at times. Though he spoke to me softly, never saying anything to suggest that he was cruel, I felt beneath his calm voice a tension. There was almost a longing there that went beyond our love, and behind his pale face, which was a mask in its own right, I sensed an abyss. I had never felt this before, but the feeling was growing. Beneath the fluttery exclamations and small talk, there was darkness and I quivered to be near it, even as I was continually drawn to Nathan's boyish innocence. Something white was becoming black, a canvas being dipped in ink, and I could not account for this sense. Nothing had changed between us, and Nathan behaved as he always had, but I felt it just the same.

Somewhere, an angel grew into a shadow.

Darren continued to rant on; he was thinking of writing another song, though he was illiterate. It seemed almost ironic that he should aspire to be a writer, when he could not even spell the word "paper" properly. Still, I was not one to crush dreams. I dreamt of being a baker, much like Nathan's mother, but I wondered if I would have the strength to commit to such a passion. Nathan's mother seldom slept, and it scared me to picture myself in a similar situation. Owning a bakery was a difficult endeavor, to say the least. I loved cooking, but I wondered if I loved it that much. I liked art, too, but I had been assured that I would never make money doing it; my options were limited, and I had to consider them.

Veronica seemed quite pleased to hear that I was dating Nathan. Delilah, whenever she came, would grin too and I felt, somehow, that the girl was involved in some conspiracy. The way she watched me made me think of spies trailing a culprit, though she was never less than kind to me.

Joey was talking to the boss now, telling her a story about his dog.

"He's a real sweetheart," the man was saying. "Yet he is such a troublemaker! He managed to get up onto my counter last night, and when I looked the cookies were all gone! It was a high counter too. There weren't any chairs nearby and I can't think how else he jumped so high. Yet he did."

"Oh, ours is bad too," said the boss. "He is persistent, and he begs for food constantly. He certainly doesn't look underfed; he is starting to get chubby."

I was wiping down my station now. Nathan was not in today, but still I felt his presence. I noticed him in the little things-in the pen he liked to use, and the mixing spoons he always chose. I regarded his best chef jacket, which hung at the back of the shop, and I touched the recipes for the soup, thinking of all the multiple times he had handled them.

As I was hastening toward the sink, anxious to replenish our supply of dishes, I noticed a great form ambling toward the boss. It was her husband and trailing behind him was his daughter, Delilah. She was smiling to herself now, satisfied with some plot, and I wondered again how someone so unassuming could appear so suspicious. The girl was supposed to be innocent, but to my eye she appeared always to be up to something.