Because of you I'm...-A Gaurance Fanfic

Chapter 21 Brothers

Large Rant, sorry I had to let it out, skip ahead a bit for the chapter:

I hate hiding things I like because I hear people close to me hate them. I just have to shut up and quietly agree as if I don't sit at night writing the things they say are stupid or watching the things they say are for abnormals and freaks. I'll just shut up and be the normal girl you think I am who gets good grades and listens to Pop music, fantasizes about boys and only uses her phone for Netflix and texting. I live in this constant state of paranoia of people close to me finding out that I do the things they despise and leave me behind in the dust. It stresses me the hell out because I care so much what people think. When I told my mom I liked watching anime it was the scariest moment of my damn life. Telling my mom, who grew up like a perfect white girl and hated it, made me feel like garbage. But why? It was just telling her you like to watch some cartoons from Japan. Because I knew she didn't like it and I feared the backlash. But I was wrong, she laughed and said that doesn't change who you are and if you like it, fine. I was happy as hell until my sister found out.

I'd go to Barnes and Noble and go to the manga section to pick out a few and she'd look at them in disgust but kept it down. Because she was that perfect white girl headed off to college and I was jealous of her my entire life. Took me to the mall, and Gamestop, Hot Topic and Zoomi's were all next to each other so I said: "Wow look all my favorite stores in one area". She looked at me and said, "You still like Hot Topic, really?" I nodded. She looked at me funny before saying "You're so abnormal." I tried to keep my sadness down because all I ever do is try to impress her. So I said, "Maybe I'm normal and you're abnormal." She replied, "No, you are. I'm just basic." It was silent cause I felt my heart shatter a bit more at her words. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my sister and she loves me it's just it's hard for her to understand my introvert and society's labeled 'freakish' likes. Another time, my mom took me to Barnes and Noble and she knows I like it so she says go ahead to your section, I'll be over here with a smile. She lets her own hate go for my well being and says 'your section'. We come home and my sister asks me what I got and I show the few normal books I got, hiding the mangas in that bag but she asks 'what else?' so I just say no and shove the bag on the ground. She looks at me strange, begging to know what else I got, but I never answered because I don't want to look at that utter disgust in her face again. I'm tired of hiding shit. I screwed up and I realize how much of a freak I am and none of my friends know.

We're sitting watching TV and a commercial for the next episode of Attack on Titan comes on and inside I was dancing around happily like OMG yes! But before I can show any signs of happiness I hear my friend say, "Ew, that whole show is weird, all anime even." Do you know how that felt? All I've wanted is real life friends I can talk about what I like with. But of course not. I love my friends. But I don't need their internal hatred for me appearing. So, I'll hide my fandom shit, my mangas, my drawings, and my black journal. When they come over they'll see the surface of my room just like there's. But like me, the surface is just the surface and inside my true self wants to be let out just like all of my loves wanting to burst out from the cramped closet where I shoved them hidden.

Sorry guys, here's the chapter.

Warning: Sexual references throughout the chapter from the previous chapters. I'm sorry if you don't like it but I literally rated this mature for a reason. 

Laurance froze up at the statement, running a hand through the man's blonde locks as he sat in a pondering silence before responding.

"Yeah, if it were possible." His tone was hard, his pale blue eyes focused on the distant wall as he took a deep breath. Yeah, not possible at all and it sucked. Laurance what the hell are you thinking? You both aren't even married, dear Irene. "Anyway, you really need to bring more clothes over here unless you want to keep wearing my clothes around." Garroth chuckled, not seeming bothered by Laurance's previous serious tone as he moved his head away to look his boyfriend in the eyes with bright cerulean eyes.