Another Tribe

Part 10 South

Julii woke to find herself laying under her hide blanket. A campfire had burned and long since died. By the look of the sun sinking into the west, evening was not far away. Robert must have lifted her from the horse and laid her on the ground.

Was he angry about her falling asleep when she should have been watching out for bushwhackers?

Julii had no memory of him carrying her in his arms, and that annoyed her greatly. What a moment to miss. She was also laying right next to him and must have been so all day. So much contact with her Robert and no memory of it. This was unbearable.

Julii felt Robert beginning to stir and she did not want to miss the opportunity to be close for just a moment longer. She knew that he would push her away but she needed his touch for just a moment. Cuddling his back, Julii braced herself for rejection but there was something different. She could sense something new; something in the movement of his body.

Something was changing. She thought of letting go but the contact, however begrudging, made her feel close and safe. He was still ridged, and still fighting something inside himself, but this time he was not pushing her away.

Rolling over, Robert simply looked at Julii, moved his arms around her, and pulled her to him. She felt something warm and wet on her face.

They are tears. Robert's silent tears were falling into her hair, onto her cheek and into her ear. His tears fell without restraint. She did not know what to do or how to help him. He was a man broken by something unknown to her; something within himself.

"Why did it have to be you?"

Julii heard him repeat the words softly over and over in her ear and she was confused. Why did what have to be her? Had she done something to hurt her Robert? She could not move to take a look at his expression for clues because he held her too tightly.

Then he was saying something else. Something odd. "This is impossible. I cannot love you."

These words made absolutely no sense to Julii. "Love", as her Robert had explained it by the waterhole, is clearly something you feel or you don't feel. The idea of not being able to love was stupid, according to the vocabulary that Robert had taught her. It made no sense.

You can only not do something if there is something stopping you from doing it. Julii was sure she had this right. No one can walk through a tree because the tree is solid and will not let you pass. No one can live under water because water has no air to breathe. A tree will stop you and water will drown you, but love is like walking through air. It is unrestrained and available to all. This is too confusing.

Robert's body made a completely new movement and, although her mind was oblivious, Julii's body instantly understood it. Something about Robert's touch made the flooding wetness come between her legs. Something that had never happened to her before was about to happen and Julii could sense it in every single movement he made. It was an animal reaction. Robert was no longer fighting the demon inside himself. He was being propelled by pure animal instinct and Julii's body was responding without question.

Then there came a tiny pause. It was only the minutest of movements causing only an infinitesimal delay but to Julii it felt like forever. Had he changed his mind? She was determined not to allow whatever was causing it to break this magic spell.

Julii could feel Robert's urgent need to act was being hampered by something. He was struggling. Was it more doubt?

Risking separation, Julii pushed away from Robert just enough to look into his eyes but his eyes were looking down. She followed his eyes and what she saw brought massive relief. It was those clever little round bone things he called "fly buttons".