for him.

Chapter 1 - "You are the only thing that makes me happy..."

It was different, It was new. He is different and he is new. Like finding out I was gay at the age of 10, reading those magazines - filled with sweaty, glistening and muscular naked men. Well technically, puberty had hit me like a bus and in all honesty really fucking hard. I was hoping I'd turn out to be one of those naked men in those magazines. Unfortunately not. It took me a while to deal with pubic hair, just looking down would make me feel uncomfortable. My thick thighs, almond-shaped eyes, and chubby stomach marked with stretch marks still represent me till this day. Aside from my irritating insecurities, Hi my name is Jake. Jake Callas. and this is not your average hot teen meets another hot teen book then falls in love, nor is this an autobiography, and nor is this a glorified 'how I died' suicide teen tragedy book. Instead, this is how I met the one who truly understands me. or at least once did...

I could remember it like it was yesterday, my mom dropping me off and kissing me goodbye on the forehead. The beginning of hell otherwise called school or Santa Fe high. This was the start of freshman year. The air smelled of fresh bags and just-showered students, the courtyard filled with excitement and anticipation. It always the same old thing. My friends were mostly girls, so it was always a warm greeting to see them since they knew I was gay from the start. My straight guy friends would punch my shoulder and 'bro hug' me, they suspect me being gay too, but they never really cared to ask, even if they did I would deny it. Yes, I'm still in the closet. The first day of freshmen year, I had this feeling it was all going to be the same. Every day since the day my father and my brother past away, I sit in the library every recess with my headphones playing in my ears and a comic book in my hand- sometimes I'd read outside too but that's usually rare. When my father and brother were alive, I used to be really active. Soccer used to be an everyday thing. I liked soccer. It's the only thing that reminds me of my father and my brother.

No one knows my father and my brother died, except my mom, the rest of the family and I. I hate mentioning it. Ever since their passing I never knew what anything meant to me. Until one day, I was reading out in the courtyard. When I read, I like to glare at the movement of the courtyard, watching each person in their own personal mindset. But suddenly, my eyes caught onto a person that interested me, this feeling I had inside was so unusual. The beat of my heart was rushing and the inside of my mouth was completely dry. It wasn't typical for me to feel this way. What was interesting to me was that he was eyeing me in the same way. I remember at that moment, I snapped myself back and looked away in confusion. It was not until I turned my head back and he was gone...

From then on, I never knew how I felt about him. The butterflies in my stomach filled the entire inner lining. What was this feeling? who is he? These were the thoughts I had throughout the day.

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One day when I was getting my books out of my locker, I remember walking down the hallways looking at the shiny floor, the glare of my reflection - not paying attention to where I was going. I was thinking about him. Out of nowhere, I bumped into him, watching the books fall out of my arms and onto the floor. I kneeled down and picked them up as fast as I could but he was trying to help me. I looked away trying not to give him eye contact but he grabs my hand gently and with his deep and raspy voice he said:

"let me help you."

This is a typical move in every teenage movie right? When we stood up, he handed me my books and gave me a smile - I smiled back, of course. He reached his hand out to me,

"Hi, I'm Damian. I'm in your humanities and literature class."

I shook his hand.

"Oh Hi, I'm Jake." I said, awkwardly blushing.