Black

XV // The Day of Gryffindor

Friday

October 2, 1977

Astronomy Tower

It is 11pm and seeing as it is the day before my eighteenth birthday I have taken this opportunity to come and ponder about my life.

First of all, this week has been unnecessarily busy, and I must admit the only reason I was able to successfully get through it is because of my now not-so-large stash of fizzing whizbees.

We're a month into school and it seems that every single professor is using the NEWTs as an excuse to bombard us with twelve foot long essays and tests every second lesson. I'm even finding Charms stressful, and I can't ever in my life remember ever finding charms stressful. Ideally I would spend all of tomorrow doing work, but Lily has informed me that that would be "literally the most impossible and improbable thing that could ever happen ever".

I know that Lily wants to study for Transfiguration as she told me yesterday that she absolutely cannot get the hang of the human transfiguration spells we've been learning, but it seems as if Lottie's convinced Lily that having us both stressed out will be for the best. Lottie doesn't really care about what we're doing, she's not scared of the professors being disappointed in her, unlike the rest of us rational human beings. Sometimes it feels like the only thing she cares about is animals. And eggs.

Besides, they've been so busy this week I've hardly seen any of them, and this includes Alice, Marley, Remus and the Bloody Prat Trio. It's like whenever I see any of them they're huddled and whispering and it feels like they've been plotting something but I have absolutely no idea what is going on. At least I've been able to do my work without being distracted.

Anyway, it's strange to think that I'm almost eighteen. When I was younger I thought I would grow up to be a dentist, oddly enough. Now I think my aim is to teach charms somewhere, at Hogwarts hopefully (if Flitwick would ever give it up for me). I'm pretty sure there's other wizarding schools around, well, actually there would have to be, so I could teach there if Hogwarts doesn't work out. If not I could always become a healer; I'm not half bad at herbology or potions and I can always specialise in charm work. I've always liked Pomfrey, after all.

But then I also want to be a Quidditch player, and then maybe an auror, and there's so many different things I want to do and I'm always changing my mind on it. 

I tend to avoid thinking about my future as I guess I always thought I would stay a child forever. I don't really know if that makes sense, but I was never keen to 'grow up.' My mum would read Peter Pan to me when I was about eight - we would go for camping trips to the Forest of Dean and go stay by the seashore, and she would read to me in the car as we drove.

I actually miss cars; it's a little trickier to read on your broom.

My point though, is that I thought I would never grow to be an adult, and here I am, about to be an adult or whatever. Gross. Maybe I should invest my time into inventing a potion that will stop me ageing? I wonder if Dumbledore can give me Nicholas Flamel's address.

I'd have expected that growing up comes with actually having some idea of what one is doing, and from my past experiences, I think it's very clear that I do not have any idea about what I am doing.

An Incomplete List of Things that One Evelyn K. O. Bishop has No Idea of what She is Doing

1. Remus Lupin. Not, of course that I'm doing Remus Lupin. Well that's not to say that I'd be opposed to it, but that's beside the point. Anyway. I obviously do not have that sorted out.