Healing [MEANIE]

SC: The Letter

They want me to get treated, at parang kung gagawin ko yun mas mapapanatag sila, so I have no choice but to do it, treatments here and there, kahit ayoko naman. And if I do it, I need to go abroad, away from you and my friends. Sorry. Palagi nalang akong nang-iiwan. But I'm sure you'll be okay. Marami akong mapagkakatiwalaan diyan eh.

Dun sa replacement shit na sinabi ko, I'm not saying na simpleng palitan at common sense lang ang nangyari. It was a big decision for me, mahirap Wonwoo. Pagdating sa'yo, lahat mahirap kasi mahalaga ka (pamilya ko rin syempre pero iba pa rin sayo), when it comes to you, parang lahat ng mangyayari kailangan kabisado ko. I've traced everything that will happen the moment I chose to be a shitty person to you, believe me. Natatakot lang akong magkamali dahil ang daming maaapektuhan. There are times when I want to change my plot, but I tell myself not to be selfish. You probably don't understand. Basta malabo ako hahaha. Mahalaga kayo pareho. Mahalaga kayong lahat, at least iyan ang dapat mong maintindihan.

I also have a confession to make.

I want you to know that the first time I saw you, I hated you. But you changed me. Look, from being an english-cutting-student to mr-english-man real quick. Dahil sa'yo kaya nakagraduate ako at naging seryoso ako sa pag-aaral. I'm thankful I met you. This letter is actually my farewell :)

Sana kahit wala na ako diyan, maging malakas ka.

Naaalala mo ba nung pasko? Sa Christmas lighting event, yung mga sinabi ko sa'yo na masasakit? It was on purpose. To trigger you. Nung una, ginawa ko lang iyon para mapalayo ka sa akin at para malaman mo na kailangan mong maging independent, and I succeeded. Pero wala talaga akong balak na lumayo sa'yo. I was planning to contact you when classes resumes at sabihin sa iyo na hindi totoo yun at ginawa ko yun for some reason that puts our friendship at stake (sasabihin ko rin sana kung bakit ko ginawa yun pero huwag na pala, panibagong gulo na naman kasi).

But New Year came. It was the time when my doctor suggested we go to U.S. Iyon na yung simula na gumulo ang lahat. Oh I forgot to mention, I was diagnosed with this illness before I invited you to our place, sa may beach. Naaalala mo ba? Yung napilayan ka?

Napagdesisyunan ko na magpakagago sa inyong lahat after ng vacation. When classes resumed, you noticed I'm not looking at everyone's eyes anymore, I even wore glasses, and I blocked everyone too, the reason there was because I don't want all of you to discover my eyesight has worsened. Baka mahalata niyo yung contact lenses ko.

Halos yung nasa harap nalang ng mukha ko ang nakikita ko nung mga araw na iyon. Kung sinasabi niyo na snobber ako, malamang sa malamang, hindi ko lang kayo nakita, namisunderstand niyo pa tuloy ako hahaha. Pero yun nga.

The time I consumed sa natitirang araw bago mag graduation was not only for you (you did all those advices I gave you and grew) but also for me. To forget you and the others. Para hindi masyadong masakit kapag paalis na ako, parang warm-up. In the last days na magkakasama tayo, I was memorizing the details of your faces (sa pictures ako nagbase dahil hindi ko naman kayo pwedeng lapitan, but when I have a chance, tinititigan ko kayo ng hindi niyo alam).

Nalaman ko na halos lahat pala kayo e may nunal sa may pisngi. Narealize ko rin na malawak talaga noo ni Vernon, magilagid pala talaga si Cheol kapag tumatawa, ang cute pala ng cheeks ni Kwan, ang perfect pala ng mukha ni Jisoo, may tinatagong kamanly-han pala si Jeonghan, makatusok pala panga ni Jun, parang babae pala si Minghao, may mata pala si Hoshi, ang liit pala talaga ni Jihoon, at ang laki na pala talaga ni Chan. Tapos...iba pala talaga ang ngiti niya sa'yo.

Nung gabi rin na magkasama tayo, I was looking at you the whole time and I thought how wonderful you are, from your head to your toes, inside and out. I want you to know that I love your eyes the most, kahit pinagmumukha nitong masungit ka. I think it was full of emotions, like it's talking every time I look at them. It is sexy ;)