C O R V U S

I find myself in my bathroom, looking for medication. 'Take three Celexa and one Geodon.' I remember Nikolas telling me. Or was it one Celexa, three Geodon?

"If you don't know, don't take 'em." Avery states and places the bottles back into the cabinet. She's having a good day if she's this bossy. Always been a no-questions-asked sort of person.

"Your day clothes have been prepared for you, dear!" Autumn's warm voice calls out. With a huff, I walk to my closet. The woman had a red crop top with short sleeves and a black velvet skirt. To finish the look is red shoes to match the shirt.

"I don't wear skirts to dance practice... nor to go to therapy." I try to reason with her.

"You never wear such a beautiful and in-fashion skirt." Autumn sighs. "I will pack leggings for your dance practice. I will allow you to wear thigh-high socks with your black boots instead."

I try to protest again, but Autumn shoves the clothes into my arms. "You will look beautiful today, love. I would tell you if you don't." She smiles, her eyes squinting so tight they almost close. How can someone be that cheery all the time?

After getting dressed, the girls hurry me to leave my apartment. I triple check the stove to make sure it's off, then turn on and off the lights five times to be sure they're working and all off. I leave the apartment, quadruple-checking that the door is locked. The girls talk amongst themselves. They've learned not to bother me with my compulsive and obsessive routines. We enter the elevator. I always push the floor button twice and the close door button three times. The elevator comes to a stop at the main floor. Today's cleaning day. Two janitors work to clean the lobby. One mops the ground while the other cleans the windows.

"Don't look at them. They'll eat you up if you do." Emily whispers in my ear. I trust her, so I turn my eyes to the ground and I grip my purse. "Good call, Emily." Johanna tells the girl, and Emily smiles back. One of the janitors try to get my attention, but I rush to the door just before he calls for me. The door closes. I am safe. At least, for now. I'll never know what will jump out at me, but at least I have my girls to protect me.

The dance studio isn't too far away, thankfully. The receptionist waves at me as I carry myself to my studio. I wave back, my hand going from side-to-side twice. I always shake my hand twice. The girls all mutter "hello" back as they follow me to the room of mirrors and mundane floor and overrated inspirational quotes. The room smells of sweat and tears. Many dancers give up their careers due to not being able to get their dream job. My dream job is to perform in travelling musicals.

I set down my bag and set up my phone, connecting it to the overhead speakers. The girls sit on the floor against the wall, either ready to watch me or talk amongst themselves. I push play on my phone, and the melancholy piano piece starts playing. This is an audition piece for a musical. No, I don't know what musical. I don't have an audition. Not yet, but I'm prepared in case an opportunity comes up. I dance the self-choreographed dance, and manage to not mess up this time. When the dance finishes, the girls clap for me. I smile, glad to have such a good support group.

A few hours of practice goes by, and it's time for my therapy appointment. I sit in the lobby, waiting to hear my name called. Emily and Ana play with the children's toys laid out. Joanna sits with me while the rest just converse with each other.

"Why aren't you excited to see Nikolas again?" Joanna asks me. She looks concerned.

"I don't want him to see I'm not doing better. I'm getting worse. I can't cope with it sometimes and I want him to think I'm getting better. I don't want to be a failure." I tell her honestly, mumbling so the receptionist can't hear me.