Succumb to the Darkness [D.Gray-Man Fanfic - Lavi]

Extra: If Only [D.Gray-man Oneshot]

If Only 

If only I knew this would happen. If only I didn't follow him. If only.

That was when all the heartache happened.

He was a handsome and kind man. He was well liked and well received, but I was lured to him like he was my prey.

Once I got to know him, I felt as though he was hiding something, that his kindness lacked...kindness.

I was from a village down south of Ireland, and he and some other guy that was old with panda eyes was there, saying they were from the Black Order. There were suspicions of the Innocence being there, but they didn't know where it was.

During that time was when we hit it off. We talked a lot and he was staying at the hotel that we owned, so there were lots of chances to talk to him.

When they found the Innocence however, the town was in danger. Abominations called 'akuma' had come to devour and destroy all. Although they were all destroyed by the exorcists, the town was left in ruin and most of the population had drifted to ash.

"Why don't you come to the Order?" He had suggested.

I had reluctantly agreed, clouded by grief and sorrow of the loss of my family and friends. So I followed them back.

I made new friends, all of which were either an exorcist, finder or scientist. They were all kind and generous with quirky personalities.

That was when this girl called Eliza came in.

She hooked him around her finger and they were always together. The time he spent with me was less and less. I had realized by that time, I had fallen. Fallen deep into the abyss.

But what could I do? She was an exorcist and I was just someone that was there, as an additional cook that helps Jerry. She was always with him and I was always not.

I was going to go get something in the evening from the pub. Jerry needed some extra beer for his new dessert menu.

When I went out the sun was starting to set, giving rise to a long horizontal faded line of orange. It took my breath away.

"Eliza..." I heard a voice, one of which was very familiar. It was him. My heart clenched in my chest.

I froze, was he talking to her? When there was no reply, I silently walked closer and had a peek. Over the bushes, he was over somebody, on his knees and a person was under him. He breathing was heavy and deep, as if he couldn't breathe. 
"Why...why did this happen...Alyster you shit..." he was mumbling now, his voice growling every word.

When there was a soft groan from the person under him, he immediately leaned down to see.

I didn't see if the eyes opened or not, but his arms were quick to latch around her and embrace her into a hug.

He was silent and he just hugged her, but I could see that he was shaking, trembling like a puppy lost in the rain.

At that point, I just ran. I didn't care if they heard me or not. I just wanted to get away. Get away fron them.

Was he leading me on? What was his intention? Was the kindness that drew me in the kindness that you showed her? Was the kindness you showed me fake?

"Why did you bring me to the Order?" I asked. It was early morning and everyone had filed down for breakfast. He was one of the earliest.

Caught off guard, he said with his lax voice, "It's true that I did take you, but weren't you the one that wanted to come?"

Then it occurred to me. I was never in his eyes. He was only following my wishes. That was that.

Realizing this, my hands started to tremble, but I forcefully stopped them. I felt a lump forming in my throat.

"Was your kindness all a lie?" That question popped out before I even had a chance to process it.

Although being surprised by it, he still answered, "Not all of it was. Most of the time it is, especially if it is for work. It makes it easier, you know? People are drawn in and they tell you more stuff if you're nice to them."

That was it. So he was JUST BEING NICE. Why did I follow him? I'm a stupid stupid STUPID girl!

"I see..." I shoved him the plate of food he ordered and went to talk to Jerry. I took off my apron.

"I'm resigning." I threw it over the bench.

Jerry noticed that something was wrong, but before he said anything, I had already run out.

Komui stood by the door. He held a vial in his hand.

"...so you've made your choice?" he asked, "Drink it and your memories of the Black Order will be gone after you sleep."

I snatched the vial and skulled it down, it tasted like blueberries.

"Thanks, Komui." I pushed opened the doors and felt the air wrap around me.

"Wait! What did I say wrong?! Why are you quitting? I thought you liked it here!" He had come.

"Why are you even coming after me?" I asked bitterly.

His eyes widened and he wore a shocked expression, before it shifted to angry.

"What do you think?! Because we're friends!!" He spoke with such a strong emotion that it made me flinch.

I was speechless.

"Do you really want to go?" He asked, after a minute.

I didn't respond.

"You already drank it, didn't you?" He stared at me long and hard. I felt as if he was glaring holes through me.

"If you want to leave so bad...then leave!" He shouted.

My eyes stung with tears. Was he just TRYING to drive me out?

He took in a deep breath before saying very loudly and very clearly, while pointing at himself, "But remember that we're friends!! Don't you EVER forget that!!"

It felt as if a knife had been stabbed in my heart. A tear slid down my cheek. 
I waved once.

That was goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What was I missing?

I wandered through London, looking for something, something that I had dropped. It was a glove that my friend had given me.

I stared down at the ground and found it a few metres in front of me. I went to hastily grab it, but at the same time, someone else had as well.

"Hey--!" I looked up.

My heart skipped.

A flash of red hair.

The man's green eyes widened when he saw me. He didn't let go at first, but did when I cleared my throat.

"Ah, sorry sorry." He apologized.

I eyed him - there was a familiar feel about him, like I knew him before.

"...do I know you?" I asked after a while of being deep in thought as I stared at him.

He looked surprised, but he suddenly gave a laugh of relief and smiled from the heart.

"I'm Lavi, what's yours?"

End.

[A/N] This is a side story of Succumb to the Darkness for all those who didn't know and didn't find out after reading it haha~ ^_^ I wanted to post something short since you guys are waiting for the next chapter ^^;; my fault right there .....
It's a bittersweet kind of flavour (hehehhe get me?) and It ends on a note where it's open ended ^_^ 
I hoped you liked it guys!