Married to Lust.

Two.

      The first week without Vic went by so low it was almost painful. I had to a lot of paperwork regarding his pension and insurance and call a lot of credit card companies. I was feeling very overwhelmed by Thursday when my former sister-in-law, Shana, invited me out for drinks. I was wary of having much to do with his family after the funeral. His mother had glared at me the last time I seen her. I guess I had put a black mark on his good name like he had done so many times to my body.

Regardless, I agreed to go out with her and we met up a local sports bar type place called The Sour House. I remember many nights when I'd retrieve a drunk husband of mine from this very place. It seemed too loud then, but tonight, everything was calm and the music was soft jazz.

Shana Bell sat at the bar, sipping on a margarita that was already half gone. Her thick mane of inky black curls were pulled back at the nape of her neck and her blood red nails tapped on the formica bar top.

" Hey, " I said finally gathering the courage to slide up on the seat next to her. She gave me a quick smile, but I could see the sorrow in her dark eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept since the last time I seen her- at the funeral.

" Elizabeth." She greeted and paused to take a long sip of her drink. " You look well."

I can only assume that was her attempt at sarcasm, but I probably never looked worse. After the harsh rejection by Alex and Vic's passing, it was hard to even shower for today. I was dressed in a T-shirt dress that was a bit too long for me, but it was easier than trying to pick out an outfit.

" Whiskey sour, "I spoke to the bartender as he approached. He nodded and let us be for another moment. I looked at Shana as she stared in to her glass, vaguely wondering what her agenda was for tonight.

" So how have you been?" I asked her after the bartender returned with my drink and left us alone once again to stew in the white noise of jazz music.

" A literal fucking mess. " She admitted, sniffling. Her eyes were shiny in the dim light and I hoped she wasn't going to cry, because I wouldn't be able to comfort her. If anything, I felt hollow. A deep sense of emptiness in the pit of my belly. I don't know if it was relief or fear?

I swallow the entirety of my drink and grimace as it burns all the way down.

" Mom is still throwing a piss fit about you, ya know." Shana finally said, laughing. " I thought it must've took some big balls to do that. To show up in the dress."

I shrugged, starting to sip on my second drink. " Didn't have to hide anymore."

" Hell, we all knew what he was doing to you." She said ernestly. " I don't know why she's acting so shocked about it. Going on about ' ruining my good boys name.' Victor was an asshole."

" Shana-"

" No, let me say this before I turn in to a chicken shit." She held up a shaky hand and I closed my mouth. " I loved him, he was my big brother. He took care of me when I was younger. He beat up my bullies and always made sure to walk me to and from school. But when I saw him grab you last year at our barbecue, I knew it wasn't right. I knew I should have helped, but shit-" she raked her hands through her hair, pulling the tie loose- " what could I've done?"

I shuddered as I remembered last years Fourth of July party at his parents lake house. I'd forgotten to take the kebabs off the grill in time and they were overdone- not burned. He'd grabbed my by the arm and dragged me inside, away from the eyes of his family. As soon as we were in the bathroom together, his hand connected with my face and sent me falling in to the tub. How could I be so selfish he'd asked. How could I embarrass him in front of his family like that?