ごめんなさい
SORRY
yoongi
why ?
why must things turn out this way ?
why must i be like this ?
why am i even still alive ?
why do i deserve hoseok ?
questions. questions with answers that cannot be found. i blamed myself even more. it had been a week since i texted hoseok. i didn't feel like it. he deserves someone better than me. i should let him be. let him live his life, enjoy every single second of it, without me. i wasn't even sure if i was supposed to meet him. maybe it was by chance, maybe we weren't even supposed to be friends, best friends, lovers. i regretted having him suffer with me, we shouldn't have met at all.
things would have turned out better .
life would have been better.
without me.
+
for the past few days, i was either randomly bursting into tears, thinking about everything, asking myself questions that can never be answered, or just abusing, harming, hurting myself...
then, i stopped. i didn't want to hurt myself anymore. i didn't want hoseok to worry. i wanted him to know that i'm someone who he could feel loved by, someone who could protect him.
i suddenly didn't want anything anymore. the world wasn't as cruel anymore. i finally took courage to face this world. it was like i was healed, healed by something, or someone. hoseok.
i plucked up courage to stand up against this world again like i used to.
i managed to live my life like before.
i suddenly felt joy. joy that was different from the joy i got from hurting myself, but more like the fact i was back to normal, like how i used to be.
