Half-Crazy

"Eruption of The heart"

Chapter 8: Eruption of the Heart

I couldn't think of anything else to say at this point after seeing Rin, coming up to me with a bouquet of flowers. He handed it to me with a smile and I just took it with a slight nod. I didn't say a word at all because I even thought about how Makoto was taking it. He was right next to me after all. I looked at Makoto, who just pats me on the back and stands up.

"Well, Aya has been a bad girl. I think you are the right one to take care of that, right Rin?" he tells him. Makoto smiled to Rin with that comment and with that expression I wasn't okay with it. I held onto Makoto wrist this time and he looked at me. I know for the fact, maybe this was just weird to even encounter but seeing that Makoto was really accepting me to move on, actually hurt me more than I expected. He was right in front of me, just smiling. As if I will be fine with another man, and he can live on happily with the woman he is with now. My heart wasn't for Rin, even though we had small moment but it didn't mean that I wasn't over Makoto. I gave up and just hugged him from behind, dropping the bouquet.

"Makoto...I can't move on."

Rin looked at us and backs away for a bit.

"Hey, I'll leave you two alone for now. Geez, Aya. You didn't have to drop such beautiful flowers."

He picked it up and walked away somewhere so we can have our private talk. Once Makoto and I sat back down, he literally lean his back on my back and his head on the back of my head while we sat back to back to each other.

"Aya, you know it's too late to be together. I can't reciprocate those feelings like I used to. If I had to choose between Mina and you, you should know who my choice is right now."

I clenched my both my hands and almost wanted to cry. I didn't want to end up with someone else. Sure, it was too late but this isn't the outcome I wanted. Maybe I had pure thoughts that I wanted Makoto to just break up with Mina and be with me, even though I know it's wrong. But I wanted Makoto to myself. I wanted to be Makoto's girlfriend. I didn't like the idea of him just saying Rin would be the guy. I don't know Rin that well and I don't know the backstory to what he has in his life. He has a crazy ex-girlfriend named Amelia who is the fiancee' of my ex-boyfriend Sousuke out of all people. I hated how reality works; you can never get the person you want to be with. I couldn't help but start to cry this time and put both of my hands on my face. I was hurt once again and I couldn't just say, okay, it's done, I've been rejected once again, and I feel like a sore loser. Tears began to keep falling and I must look really horrible at this point. I don't have my own place, I don't have a job, I don't have someone to be with. I felt like a complete failure in life and I just wanted to die. Suddenly, from behind me, I felt an embrace that stopped my crying right away. It was strong hold and it was tight to the point where I needed to calm down. I looked slightly behind me, seeing Makoto's face near the side of my neck.

"Please. Aya. Please understand. I don't want to see you cry. I don't want to see you hurt. I just want you to be with someone who can take care of you better than myself. I want you to understand that."

I cried a bit more and he hugged me tighter and then he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Aya, please stop crying. I love you as a friend and from now on we can both move on forward in living out lives. I'm not saying I won't be around with you anymore. If you need anything, I'm here. I won't leave you behind just because I have Mina. You will find someone, and I know you will. I'll keep an eye out on you and I promise you that." Makoto said in soft words and I instantly turned around and hugged him back really tight.

"I'm sorry that I'm such a pain! I'm sorry that I was so rude. I'm not perfect!"

He started to pet my hair and rubbed my back.