*blood, suicide tw*
I call to mother Gaea to help me remain grounded in the times of chaos where the paranoia burns my brain like bleach, eroding all the reason and the sense of reality. my eyes are stinging from last night. I haven't yet recovered from the possession, I still feel the nine circles of the inferno within my ribcage. my ailing skeleton is rotting rapidly and my youth is slipping away from my meek grasp. I'm seeking the fountain of youth, have you seen it? have you?
have you seen my sanity?
I've been wailing down the streets of the inner-city. I never find solace in the honks of the cars zooming past me, never find solace in the passersby silently aching with their own private torments. my world revolves around me, so excuse me if I cannot end my whining excuse me if my pain is not "serious " enough for you to lend a hand.
I could be on the floor, my guts spilling blood everywhere and you'd shout at me to get up and keep walking. I was taught to ignore the tears threatening to leak out of my eyes. but like gasoline, it's only fueled the fire and the years of repressing my goddamn fucking emotions has kind of backfired, huh?
cos now all I ever do is sob and wallow in my sorrows and all you ever do is stick the knife deeper into me. instead of going to mother dearest, I plea to Mother Earth with distress to heal me and instead of going to my sister I turn to Artemis to teach me how to fight my battles and shoot my demons with a bow and arrow.
but it never works.
I'm sick and tired of relatives rejecting me. it's grown to be worse than true abandonment - sometimes I even crave it, I dare them to leave me.
where's the unconditional love I see advertised on hallmark cards? where's the unconditional love I see in the eyes of my friends' parents?
I understand I'm tough to handle but if you must make me feel like a piece of shit everyday you may as well just tell me outright to kill myself off - we all know I just need that one single push and I'd be gone.
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this is quite personal and if it isn't obvious already I am having a Tough Time,,,yet I still write fucking shitty poetry, sorry for disappointing.
