breathe; tree bros

one

"connor! come on!"

connor awoke for the third time that morning, fully intending to prolong getting up till zoe got bored and left without him.

"fuck off!" he yelled back, sitting up in his bed, hearing his mother half heartedly call out connor for his language. she'd given up, they all had.

he wiped the sleep out of his eyes, knowing his sister wouldn't leave him behind again. he hadn't been to school in two days, so he knew he was pushing it.

he could hear his mom knock on the door, and it slowly creaked open. she was tiptoeing around him, and it drove connor insane.
"hi hun, you getting up?" she whispered to him, treating him like an unexploded bomb, about to blow up at any moment.

he grunted in response.

"do you want any breakfast?"

"no."

"zoe's eating breakfast downstairs, she's already dressed." connor rolled his eyes, his mother once again subtly comparing his to his sister.

"i don't care." he responded.

there was silence as he threw his legs over the side of his bed, checking his phone. he could feel her presence still lurking in the doorway.
he didn't look up, and connor could feel his hair standing on end in the uneasy atmosphere. he kept his eyes glued to his phone. he wouldn't look at her and she would leave.

but yet, after another moment, the silence was broken.

"are- are you okay?"

"jesus christ, mom let me get ready," he said it harsher than he had hoped, a pang of guilt instantly resonating through his body. especially when he heard cynthia leave without another word.

he pulled on some clothes left in a bundle on the floor, and pulled his hair up in to a pony tail. he neglected his mother's offer for an apple before school, brushed past his sister and left the murphy residence.

-

"connor! why are you so rude to mom? she's only trying to help," he could hear her trying to catch up with him, taking short gasps as she spoke.

"thanks zo, you've really made me see everything in a different light, my world has changed, you've done it again, miss perfection."

"i didn't ask for the fucking sarcasm. you're such a dick."

"bite me." he flipped off his sister and plugged in his headphones, blocking her out completely.

-

by the time they arrived at school, connor was in a sour mood. not that this was out of the ordinary, but today everything just felt wrong. he felt like shit.

and seeing jared kleinman first thing in the morning wasn't the greatest way to lift your spirits.

"ah, murphy. good to see you back. so what happened this time? ceiling fan came down when you tried to hang from it?"

"not today, kleinman." connor rubbed his hands over his face, exasperated.

he heard the small kid at jared's side mutter something like "leave it."

kleinman just continued to smirk, "why not? too high to understand what's happening?"

here, where he normally have made a remark about jared's family, connor opened his locker, ignoring the schoolboy taunts. "loving the hair length by the way, very school shooter chic."

he stayed silent, turned around and gave jared a cold glare.

"i was just kidding, it was a joke."

"yeah, no it was funny, i'm laughing, can't you tell?"

he paused for a moment.

"am i not laughing hard enough for you?"

jared looked uncomfortable for a second, before returning to his laid back form.

kleinman laughed airily, "you're such a freak."

he turned his gaze to evan, standing uncomfortably to the side, before pushing passed the crowd of people that had circled them to see connor lash out.

there was a lump in his throat, just scratching and clawing to get out. tears in his eyes threatened to spill, stinging slightly when he prevented that. all those people had gathered to see him lash out.

he wanted to go to class, pretend he was like the rest. take a seat next to alana and chat about their weekends and some other party that he wasn't invited to. compare homeworks, smile, laugh.

instead, the weed he had on him became very apparent, practically burning a hole in his pocket.

and he decided now would be a good time to relieve some stress.

he left the building, veering to his right and sliding down the wall, till he was sat on the dewy grass.

-

he brought the joint to his lips, blowing out smoke in to the air and marvelling at the swirling cloud it made.

he looked across the field, the chalk marks of the pitch becoming more and more faint with time.

he could make out the shape of a dilapidated shed in the distance. he remembered the time he smoked there- and wasn't able to do that again after almost burning it down. it was around 6 months ago and he had just had a run-in with hansen-

there was something about evan's quiet pleas for jared to stop taunting him, just 10 minutes earlier, that made his heart ache.
because for once, someone sounded like they cared.

connor doubted that instantly, realising evan probably just didn't want jared to get beat up.

"u-uh, um- connor?"
speak of the devil.