Divided by an Ocean

Track 1 - Eraser

I was born inside a small town

Dear Hometown,

I have never been this far away from you for this long, and that thought is kind of scary to me. For over twenty years, all I knew were your streets and their signs, your people and their grocery carts. I mean, I did get away for the occasional trip, but even after I moved away to attend college, I never stayed away longer than a couple of weeks.

When it was time to say goodbye to all of the people in Germany, the thought of saying goodbye to you was never on my mind. My heart ached when I had to leave my apartment and the city that I have lived in for the past two years, but the last time I drove through your streets did not affect me this much. I wonder why you were such an easy place to leave, but at the same time the one place that will forever feel like home to me.

I think it's probably more about the people living in a place that make it into the collection of moments and memories that it is. After all, there is almost nothing but people living in you, which is something I hated growing up. I always dreamed of the big city, of places to go and of things to see. I wanted to go shopping and dancing and do people watching, but you never even gave me a cool place to hang out with my friends.

It was impossible to leave you behind when I so desperately wanted to. I didn't have a car, I didn't even know how to drive, and I always needed an adult to help me get around. But now that I am in my twenties and I want more from life, it is impossible not to leave you behind. I could never find what I am looking for in a small town, especially as long as I don't know what exactly I am looking for.

I could never decide if I loved going to high school in a town with so few people, or if I hated it. On the one hand it had this acquainted touch to it, and I mostly felt comfortable around the people I had known my whole life. But on the other hand, I hated the lack of new people and new emotions this situation brought with it. Everyone knew everyone, and all of us could not wait to grow up and finally leave this place.

But that doesn't mean that it's not special to come back and visit you, because every time I drive through your familiar streets and I turn into our street, I get these tingles inside, which make me feel all warm and cozy. I realize I am about to see my mom and that in just a few short minutes, I get to pick up my cat and feel her vibrating purrs close to my chest. I realize that I am about to walk into my childhood room with tons of souvenirs from my teenage years. I realize that I am about to come home.