Living Like This

Sixteen

Dean tried to hide it, but Cas knew how much Dean hated Cas' scars. The next time Meg checked them, Dean left the room without being asked. Cas had wanted him to stay, but he'd been scared to ask him to.

Otherwise, Dean was almost constantly at Cas' side over the next few days. Cas loved it, he wasn't used to people hanging around him all the time just to keep him company. And some of the things Dean did... when Cas mentioned that he got bored when Dean wasn't around, Dean had brought a whole box of books the next morning. He brought burgers for Cas every day at lunch because he said that hospital food was disgusting and Dean couldn't believe they expected people to heal on that crap. Aaron hadn't visited him once, but with Dean always around, Cas found he didn't miss Aaron much.

***

When they told Cas he could go home, he was ecstatic. As soon as Meg left from telling him he would be going home the next day he started packing all of the books back into the box. Dean didn't seem quite as enthusiastic.

"Are you going back to Aaron?" Dean asked after a few seconds of silence. Cas stopped. He hadn't even thought about that.

"I... I don't know," Cas said, devastating himself. He didn't know? Of course he would go back to Aaron, Aaron loved him. But Cas found that he wasn't as convinced as he normally was when he said it this time.

"You're still welcome with me," Dean said. Cas heard the edges of hope in Dean's voice.

"Give me some time to decide," Cas said nervously.

"Okay," Dean said. Cas went back to packing up his books, thinking. Aaron had been in his life for so long, and he'd been just about the only good thing to happen to Cas ever. But then Dean came along. Dean was beautiful. Dean never lost his temper, he was always so considerate of Cas, he asked about Cas' books for goodness sake! Dean was... perfect. But Aaron was Aaron. And Cas didn't know if he could leave. He didn't know if he should leave.

Dean didn't push him about it. He asked once before he left, and when Cas told him he didn't know, it was okay.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Cas. I hope you're happy, whatever choice you make," Dean said as he left.

Cas tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep. He just kept thinking about Aaron and Dean. His mind went from one to the other until he began to cry. He couldn't choose. His thoughts were interrupted by Meg coming in for a check up.

"Hello Casti- are you okay?" She asked. Cas wiped his eyes.

"I'll be fine, thank you Meg," he said.

"What's wrong? Maybe I can help," she said, sitting in the chair next to his bed.

"I... I have to make a choice I don't know how to make," Cas said.

"Well, what are the options?" Meg asked.

"I have a boyfriend that I've been with for seven years. We've been through so much together. We love each other, but... sometimes it gets rough. And then there's Dean. He just... makes me feel like nothing else. It's amazing. I just don't know what to do," Cas said. Meg shifted in her seat.

"Well, if you think you can make your current relationship work and be happy with this guy, then you should do that. But it sounds like you really want to be with Dean. I don't know either party very well so I won't tell you who to be with. But choose the person who's going to make you happy," she said.

"Thanks Meg, I think you helped," Cas said, giving her a smile. She smiled back.

"I'm glad."

Cas was lost in thought for a long time after that, before his mind finally calmed and there it was. It had been there the whole time. He'd made his choice.