Hi, my name is [Dan] - COMPLETED

After 55: Don't go

"Where are you taking me?" I asked anxiously as the streets grew darker and I noticed the patch of parked cars was thinning out.
"I wouldn't hurt you, Dan..." He told me gently, noticing my nerves.
"Really?" I scoffed.
"Not purposely anyway," he dropped his head down and stared at the ground for a long moment.
I just wanted to reach out and hold him in my arms until he smiled that smile I used to love so much... The smile I still loved but didn't want to admit I did. Instead of getting closer, I just continued to follow him. We didn't speak anymore after that and I noticed a small field spanning out beyond the street we had arrived on. He went to grab my hand but stopped halfway and instead nodded his head forwards.
"This way," he said as he started walking across the dew-covered grass.
I hesitated at the grass verge as I watched Phil walk further away. Eventually, I convinced myself to follow him. He stopped just before the tree line began. He smiled softly and looked up at the sky.
"Do you ever look at the stars and think that you're so small but also part of something so much bigger?" He asked me softly.
I looked up too and there must've been a million stars up there all looking down on us. I felt a sense of calm wash over me as we stood in the middle of the fields with them twinkling above us. Like there was something up there looking back down at us.
It was near impossible to see the stars from my bedroom window, so it was nice to see them all again. I couldn't remember the last time I had looked up there and seen the glow of a million dots. No matter how many nights you go without seeing them, they're always there. They're always waiting for you to see them again.
"Why are we here?" I asked him and tried not to show my awe.
"Remember when we went Starbucks for the first time after dance?" He asked me as he shuffled his backpack off his back and began to unzip it.
"Yeah?"
"We talked about dates and relationships..." He trailed off and looked up at me like he thought I would comment but I stayed silent. He started to pull something out of the bag. "Anyway, I was thinking about that day... and it made me realise we never did go on any real dates."
"Because our relationship wasn't real," I couldn't help but butt in.
He stopped moving, his hand was on some fabric in the bag but I couldn't make out what it was. There was little light where we were and I hugged my chest as a new chill ran down my neck that wasn't just from the cold night air. Why did I follow him here?
"It was real." He shook his head. "I like you... a lot."
"You wouldn't have dragged me through all that if you did," I whispered.
"I wanted to get away from Alfie and speak to you. The bet seemed like a good way to do that but I'd never see your body as just a way to win a stupid bet that I didn't even care about," his voice was hushed and he didn't look at me. He frowned at the ground before managing to lift his head up. "You don't have to believe me but just let me give you the date you always deserved."
I didn't say anything but I didn't walk away either and that was all the incentive he needed to wrestle a big folded up blanket from his bag. He covered the wet floor with it and sat down, leaving enough space for me. I didn't move.

"I know it's not the perfect date I told you about - there's no sunset or picnic but this was the best I could do..." He looked a little guilty about that.
I thought back to that day in Starbucks. "When the sun is beginning to set we'll find an open space and set out a picnic basket on the grass," I remembered the way he had told me and how I wished he would do something like that for me one day. "The stars will shine on us and we'll just talk all night, about life and our future."
I found myself sitting down on the far edge of the blanket. I pulled at the grass just to give myself something to do other than staring at Phil and thinking about what this date would've been like if none of that shit had happened.
"Why didn't you do this before?" I found myself asking.
"I felt guilty," he admitted and carefully shuffled a little closer to me. "Look, Dan, we weren't fake. I can't express that enough."
"Then why did you feel guilty?"
"Because it was always there, hanging over me. I knew what I'd promised Alfie and just saying it had made me feel gross," he told me. "It didn't matter that I wasn't going to do it. I was worried about you finding out about the bet and thinking it was real. I was worried that if I did see you Alfie would somehow know. I just didn't want you thinking wrongly of me and all this is really stupid but I just... I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't want to hurt you."
"Oh," I said. I wanted to believe him.