Hi, my name is [Dan] - COMPLETED

After 45: love is a powerful word

"Are you sure you're okay?" My dad asked me for the second time that day as we pulled up at the ballet studio. 
The entire journey had been filled with an awkward silence. Well, it would've felt like one to anyone but me as my mind was preoccupied with seeing Phil during ballet and hoping that my face wasn't still red and blotchy from my breakdown. I had so many random thoughts during the journey but some were hard to keep a hold on and dissolved into the next thought. I felt the thoughts all fall to the pit of my stomach when the engine stopped, they began to weigh me down and make my guts twist painfully. I hadn't been this overwhelmed and worried about going to dance in such a long time.
"I'm fine," I said half-heartedly and grabbed the handle. 
I jumped out of the car without a second word and my dad didn't stop me. Or, if he did, I was out too quick to notice. 

I had spoken to Phil since I told him about the scholarship so I didn't know why I was so nervous to see him again. Probably because the last time we saw each other the conversation had never once landed on dance. I can't actually remember what we talked about - probably the maths homework or something that was similarly unimportant. Now we were in the heart of my problem; the topic of dance is unavoidable in dance class.
Phil wasn't there when I arrived so I quickly got changed and waited for him in the changing rooms until my phone buzzed. He was running late. I sighed and went into the studio where Miss. Chic was standing. She was looking at everyone as they walked in and when her eyes landed on me I saw the slightest hint of a smile. It was a little unnerving to get anything other than a scowl from her and I wasn't sure I liked whatever it was she was thinking.  Maybe she was just happy I could be getting a scholarship... or maybe her lips had just twitched and I was reading too much into them.
"I hope you're ready for the next two weeks," Miss Chic said as she walked over to me. Her voice was softer than usual and got lost in the sea of voices echoing around the studio.
"I think so," I said but she must've seen me looking worried and took it as nervousness.
"Look, if the pas de deux falls through you always have the solo," she told me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Regardless of what you think, I know you'll be getting a place one way or another."
She thought I was worried about Phil failing and me not getting into the summer programme.  The pas de deux was the least of my worries. If anything I was worried about winning the scholarship for the solo and going there full time. I had a feeling that neither Miss Chic nor my mum would drop this if I didn't take the opportunity laid out in front of me.

Miss Chic wandered off as Phil entered the room. He was barely late but late enough for Miss Chic to give him a hard glare. He gulped and walked next to me as we made our way to the bars. We warmed up next to each other but neither of us spoke. He smiled at me and I managed to smile back but I was worried it seemed too false. Phil didn't seem to notice any difference. He really hasn't been observant of my feelings lately... maybe he's got something on his mind too.
"Would you like to come over mine after this?" Phil asked me as we got into position to practice the pas de deux. I suddenly became aware that, if I auditioned, I'd need a second routine for the talent people - as if I wasn't  stressed enough without that added pressure.
"Sure," I replied.
It didn't seem like he was going to bring up the scholarship. I decided that at least going to Phil's house would be a good distraction from home and dance life. Maybe he'd finally tell me what was distracting him so much. That was a big maybe, though.

Phil had been worse at the routine this week than the first time we'd done it. It was like he hadn't practised at all and I couldn't really get into the dance either. We decided to call it a day before the session even ended and spent the rest of it just stretching and talking  (unless Miss Chic was close by and watching us). Again we didn't talk about anything important and usually, I liked just talking to Phil but, with everything happening, there was real stuff to talk about. I felt like he was avoiding the topics but I wasn't bringing them up either so I wasn't any better.