Whispers of Rumours

Chapter 20

I didn't come back to the hospital. Kade hadn't bothered to call. Whether he was busy with tests, or with paperwork, or whatever it was --- he didn't ask me to come back. And for me, that was okay. I needed a break, to stop and think about myself. About him and myself. About who I was and who I wanted to be. I was still young, and I had no idea who I was. I had thought that I did, and in part, it was true, but in other ways, it wasn't. I was discovering myself indefinitely, learning things about myself every single day. I was making mistakes, and being a teenager as best I could. But it wasn't near to good enough, I suppose.

Jewel refused to speak to me, and for what reason in specific, I didn't know. I was abashed at her sudden coldness to me, the lack of conversation. We saw each other at school, and she simply greeted me with an unenthusiastic "hi" before continuing on down the hall. We didn't see each other in the mornings anymore. It was always just Joey and I. I hadn't had an actual conversation with Jewel in almost a week, and it was scaring me. 

Her sister's wedding was fast approaching. Would she start speaking to me by then? 

One day --- a Thursday --- I confronted her about the situation. She was just getting out of her last hour class, and I was waiting to ambush her.

"Jewel. We need to talk." I said, my voice stern. 

Jewel avoided me and walked past, muttering something about not having time.

I ran ahead of her, me being able to, as I wasn't wearing heels like she was.

"Jewel. I am dead serious. You better talk to me right now, and tell me what is up, or so help me, I will throw all of your Jimmy Choos in the incinerator." I threatened her, staring her down. She stood there, dumbstruck, her bookbag slung across her shoulder. Her blue eyes just looked back at me with utter surprise and vague annoyance. 

She recovered, and began walking forward again, tottering slightly on her three-inch wedge booties. I followed after, tailing behind her like a cop on patrol. 

"Jewel." I repeated, as she walked away from me even faster. She was seriously avoiding me.

"I don't have to explain myself, Alessandra!" She exclaimed, whipping around to face me, her eyes suddenly blazing blue flames. "I'm not speaking to you, for a very certain reason, and I'm sure you could guess what it is. I'm done. I am done being involved with this situation."

I stood there, now the dumbfounded one. I could feel myself wavering slightly, almost falling over it felt like. 

"Is this about Kade? That's what this is about, isn't it? You're not speaking to me because of him?" I asked her, incredulous. This was what she had been avoiding me all week for? A flare of anger rose up inside me, and I took a deep breath. I didn't want to lose my temper. Not here, in the middle of the school. There were still kids roaming about, heading to after-school clubs and such. 

"I can't do this anymore. This choice you're making, its a mistake, Sandra. And I can't be part of it. I can't let myself be associated with someone who makes such outstandingly rash choices." Jewel spoke, looking me dead in the eye. She was telling the truth, and let me just say, the truth hurt. 

"I'm sorry, Alessandra. I just can't." Jewel spoke again, and then turned on her heel and walked out the double doors to the student parking lot. I watched her, the anger flaring so much brighter every second I watched her hips sway from side to side. 

I tried to control the rage --- the rage at Jewel, at Kade, and most of all, at myself. For making this decision in the first place. I had jeopardized everything, all in pursuit of a man who couldn't have me anyways. A man that I couldn't have. 

I lost Jewel. I would probably end up losing Kade. And worst of all, I think I lost myself.

I was so in love with the idea of being in love, that I never considered the consequences my actions might condone. At the first sign of interest from Kade, I found myself jumping for joy. I tried to push away, but try as I might, I couldn't fight my apparently undying attraction to him. 

I no longer had Jewel, and I was starting to wonder if she would end up persuading Joey to leave me, too. Who would I have then? Sure, I had several acquaintances around school, but none that I could even share the secret of Kade with. None that I could trust. I couldn't trust my mom or dad, of course. I was screwed. Life sucked. It really did sometimes.

I was scared that I wouldn't have anybody left. They would discover how selfish I was, how horrible I was. And they would leave, because nobody wants to be friends with a selfish, thieving human like me. I betrayed my friends, and didn't listen to them. All they ever did was help me, and I threw them away like a piece of garbage. In my mind, I was starting to realize that I was the garbage.

I couldn't believe myself. I hated myself. What had I become? Who had I become? I wasn't this person. This wasn't me. But I found myself wondering if this life had changed me. If Kade had changed me. 

Gone was the girl who did nothing to disturb her friends. Gone was the girl who obeyed her parents and was honest. Gone was the girl who had her friend's backs. Gone was the girl who had spent her life being kind and giving and selfless. 

Now, as I stared at my reflection in the glass doors, I saw a girl who was selfish. A girl who wanted only for herself. Who didn't care who got hurt in the process, and who didn't think before acting. Here was a girl who had lost herself, and everything she stood for.

Wowza I have not posted in a long while! Sorry! I've been quite busy. Now, I am no longer going to be busy for a long time! Woohoo! So fun, right? Not at all. 

Anyways, I shall be trying to post more to this story, and perhaps to my other story as well. I am not sure yet... 

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! 

Thaaannnkkk yooouuu!