Hello Again

2.

                               Joel
     
     
           
       
 
My breath faltered, feeling my hands gripping rougher onto the small wooden drawer as I stared at the dark metallic object so neatly placed in between the stacks of socks, fighting against myself with all my might as that dark thought kept clawing at the depths of my very mind, struggling to rise and cloud my better judgment...
Pushing me to do it...

Begging me to just do it and end it all...

The pain...the neverending misery...

The grief...

The nightmares...

Do it...

Do it!

Joel!

Like suddenly pulled out from a deep water I instantly sucked in a lungful of air, rapidly blinking a few times right before quickly slamming the drawer shut, turning around, only to notice the only person currently keeping me sane and alive -well, as sane as I could be- now standing in the doorway, a slightly concerned expression marring her tired features as she stared back at me.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?" I harshly bit out, angrily stomping across the room as I quickly busied myself with a search for my wallet.

"I'm sorry, but you weren't answering and I...I...Wait, why are you all dressed-up? Where are you going?"

"Out," I bluntly answered as I lastly found and grabbed it from the nightstand, not even bothering to give her a second glance as I strode past her, hastily exiting my room.

"What? But I've just..." I listened how her voice faltered with a small whimper as she hurriedly followed me, for the millionth time that tiny, almost inaudible sound shattering my heart into small pieces as I've heard it so many times before.

Way too many times...

"I've just made dinner, and I thought that maybe we could...Maybe we could eat together..." She struggled to say as she watched me gather my carelessly thrown around boots from the floor.

"Well we're not," I rather boredly said as I then took a seat on the wooden floor, shoving my feet into them and tying the laces up.

"Why?"

I let out a humorless chuckle, lightly shaking my head as I got up, for once deciding to leave that so simple question unanswered as I felt so tired already...Way too tired.

Tired to always give her that same goddamn answer.

"Why are you doing this? Why can't we just stay and eat together like normal siblings?" I listened how her trembling voice gradually raised as she watched me throw my jacket on, once again remaining silent as I already knew too damn well where this "conversation" was leading. So without a single word I turned around and grabbed the front door's knob, only to feel her small hand forcefully grab onto my elbow.

"Joel stop!"

Momentarily closing my eyes, I took a deep breath as I struggled to compose myself, that simple action failing its purpose as I rather harshly turned around, pure anger pumping inside my veins as I spat out,

"Why? So that we could play pretend? Huh? So that I could be your good little brother and act like everything is dandy? So that I could feed your wounded little ego?"

Slap!

I held her heated, tear-filled gaze for a second longer as I felt that small sting on my cheek as a result of her palm connecting with it, giving her a cold glare as I ground out,

"Bye, Diana."

Quickly turning around and slamming the door shut behind me, just in time to hear loud, heart-wrenching wail.

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