Apartment Infinity

An Awkward Introduction

Just as Doug gets to his feet PU Doug Three enters the room and strolls to the front door putting on his jacket as he walks. “I’m off to try out for that game show,” he announces before exiting the apartment.

Doug falls back against the wall, “Damn it.”

This causes Rebecca to wake up. She cuddles up to Doug and looks at him with a morning after smile.

Doug looks at Rebecca without any recognition. Rebecca strokes his five o’clock shadow of a beard and looks very confused. “Wow that was fast,” she says as she examines Doug’s face.

Doug shrugs it off and goes back to watching TV. “Yeah, you gotta act quick here or these bastards will snatch up all your ideas,” he says waving his fist at the front door. He looks back down to at Rebecca who is utterly confused.

“The beard,” she says with a chuckle, assuming Doug is being silly?

Doug finally catches on to her confusion. “Oh… OH… Wait? No… That wasn’t me… I mean… I would… Wait. Do you want to? No… no… That wouldn’t be right,” he stammers.

Rebecca separates herself from Doug and begins to gather her things, keeping herself covered with the blankets. “Just my luck, last night I thought you were entertaining and it turns out you’re just crazy. Great,” she yells as she puts on her clothes under the blankets.

“I can explain,” Doug announces as he backs away, reassuring Rebecca that she’s safe.

Rebecca senses that Doug is not a creep and begins to slow her escape to let Doug explain. “Go on,” she says. Though she feels safe she continues to keep her distance.

Doug accepts the safety barrier and begins his explanation. “Okay, so a couple months ago I answered an ad on the internet for this dirt cheap room for rent. I showed up and the guy shows me this living room,” he says, pointing out the gigantic dwelling that he now call home.

Rebecca finally looks around taking in where she spent the night. “I really have to stop drinking,” she says as she begins to gather her things again.

Doug looks around the cluttered living room then down at his beer. “Yeah, well, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you price he offered,” he says waiting for a cue to share the price. After a moment of getting nothing in response he continues, “The monetary value of a coupon, that’s all. One one hundredth of a cent. But here’s the deal. There’s this thing in the kitchen that looks like a water heater that makes it so that the place is not only rented out to me, but also to me in multiple dimensions.”

Rebecca continues to look confused and unimpressed.

Doug continues to try to solve this confusion. “That’s how he makes profit, there is an infinite number of me, and at one one hundredth of a cent times infinity, that’s a shit ton of money,” he explains.

“Okay, I don’t know what your cheap rent has to do with me,” Rebecca asks?

“Well, last night you weren’t with me, you were with my roommate who just happens to be me,” Doug reveals with the gusto of a stoner explain their theory on how time actually works.

Rebecca looks amazed. “That is the worst, I mean THE WORST story I’ve ever heard. If you didn’t want to be with me you could have said so last night and saved yourself from having to come up with all this nonsense about coupons and multiple dimensions.”

Now Doug looks confused, “Wait, I’d love to be with you… I mean, I do think you’re, but I couldn’t… I wouldn’t do that to myself.”

Rebecca just shakes her head and stands to leave.