Apartment Infinity

My Best Friend Me.

Doug tries to sleep on the mattress as PU Doug Five and PU Doug Six sit on either side of him with their backs resting against the wall. The sounds of Dr. Who blast from the television.  

“Okay then what about Star Wars,” PU Doug Five asks PU Doug Six, sounding utterly perplexed?

“I hated the originals, the re-releases, and the prequels. I’m just not a fan,” PU Doug Six shamelessly admits.

“What are you talking about they were all master pieces. Okay, Jar Jar’s annoying and Jabba looked kind of weird when he was added to Episode 4 but the new scene was amazing, the series is brilliant” PU Doug Five pleads.

“No it wasn’t,” PU Doug Six says bluntly, in an attempt to shut down the conversation.

“What about God Father,” PU Doug Five asks with a blend of fear and concern?

“Haven’t even seen it,” PU Doug Six continuing to sound completely disinterested.

“What,” PU Doug Five is on the verge of pulling out his own hair?

“I’m not into mob movies,” PU Doug Six continues to seem indifferent to both the topic and the fact that he’s even having a conversation.

“You’re killing me. What do you like,” PU Doug Five asks?

“Showgirls was pretty sweet.”

 During this entire back and forth Doug grinds his teeth, trying his hardest to get to sleep to escape this vapid rambling. “Argh, are you serious” Doug yells as he finally gives up and stands to storm across the room?

“Yeah, It’s a descent movie,” PU Doug Six replies.

“You’ve got to be kidding me? You won’t see Godfather, but you think Showgirls is descent?” PU Doug Five continues, unphased by Doug’s aggressive reaction.

Doug continues to storm across the room. He spots PU Doug Four siting at the dining room table with a beer in one hand and a pen in the other. He watches as the two PU Doug’s continues to drone on about “cinema.” His eyes track the conversation as if it were a game of tennis, but he’s lost in thought as to what to write in his leather bound poetry book and only goes through the motions of watching the roommates without actually listening.

Doug notices the sense of detachment in PU Doug Four’s gaze and pulls up the chair to have a seat next to him. “What’s going on,” Doug asks?

PU Doug Four reaches under the table and retrieves a fresh bottle of beer and offers it to Doug. “Nothing much, just watching these two opposites slash idiots. In a weird way, they seem to be meant for each other,” PU Doug Four says, holding back his tears as he lowers his head in shame.

Doug is confused by this response leading him to question, “You doing alright there buddy?” Doug tries his best to be supportive as he opens his beer to take a sip.

“Rebecca dumped me,” PU Doug Four pouts.

“That girl who was here earlier,” Doug asks?

PU Doug Four just shakes his head, too choked up to speak.

“Because of us,” Doug continues to question as he looks around trying to find an escape.

“No, she’s come to grips with the whole living situation,” PU Doug Four says, flailing his arms around to pointing out the various PU Dougs. “She thinks I am an alcoholic. She says that I spend too much time drinking by myself.”

“Drinking with yourself,” Doug corrects PU Doug Four as he takes a sip.

“That’s what I told her then she went on to say she has issues with my poor grammar as well,” PU Doug Four lowers his head in defeat.