***TRIGGER WARNING***
{RYAN POINT OF VEIW}
Finally home from school. I ran I upstairs and locked myself in my room Like any typical day. I turned off all the lights and took a nap. My head really hurts. Do I have chronic headaches or continuous never heading making me want to die headaches? Same thing right?
God I wish I hadn't spoken to bren today. I mean. Hes Really cute and His personality is great. But he also kind of scares me. I don't like the in your face kind of people that he is. I'm not a people person.
~~
I woke up several hours later to a spam of texts from Brendon. Oh god what does he want.
[TEXT CONVERSATION]
Brendon: Ry
Brendon: Ryan
Brendon: RyRo
Brendon: Ryry
Brendon: ryyyyyyyyy
Brendon: r u there?
Brendon: Ryan ?
Brendon: hello? Ry?
Me: yes?
Brendon: oh good. Ur alive. Wanna get coffee or something ?
Me: not really.
Brendon: y
Me: head still hurts I'm going back to sleep bye bren
Brendon: waiiiiit
Me: what bren?
Brendon: whats The Homework 4 our first class of the day?
Me: uh Idk Hang on
(I went to check The Homework)
Me: pg 123 ex3 #1-15
Brendon: thx
[END OF TEXTS]
God I wish he would leave me alone. I don't need him getting close to me. I don't want him in my life. Why can't he see that!
"RYAN ROSS GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW" i hear my mom scream.
Oh crap what did I do this time.
I slowly walked down stairs... "yes mom?" I say quietly.
"Dinner! Eat" she says putting the plate of food on the table.
"I'm not hungry" I lie. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. I don't like being around my parents they get angry at every little thing I do. I mean they aren't terribly. They just aren't the loving type and they don't understand me or my problems or what I've been through even though doctors, therapists and nurses from the various hospitals have explained my parents still don't quite get that I really have no control over it. And I'm not just a piece of shit trying to spite them.
"Ryan. Did you eat anything today?" Mother asks.
I sigh thinking of a lay. "Yeah"
"Really Ry what was it?" She asks.
Oh fuck now what.
"Some of Brendon's chips" I say.
"Brendon? You made a friend?" She asks starting to lighten up and smile "Thats Great Tell me About Brendon"
God dammit I don't want to talk to her about Brendon
"He's in my first period class. My head hurts I'm going back to bed. Goodnight mom" I say and I rush back up to my room and lock the door..
~~
I hate having conversations with my parents. "You said to much Ryan! Why would say so much? Why would you give them hope that you're getting better ? You aren't Ryan. Ryan you shouldn't have spoken to them" the voices in my head won't fucking shut up fuck. "Hey Ryan where's your blade? We miss that feeling". They scream.
God I feel so helpless.
I slumped against the wall pulled my knees in and started crying like the pathetic child that I am. I calmed my self down a bit and took my sweatshirt off. No one will notice.
I held the cool familiar blade to my skin I counted back from three before ripping it across my skin. Hissing in pain cursing under my breath tears spill from eyes and blood spills from my wrist. Two, four eight... Time to switch arms. I sat there as the blood dropped down my arms. ON onto my hands and front hands to my finger tips to the floor.
*bang bang* mom is knocking on my door
"Ryan open up. Take your meds Before You go to bed" she said
I didn't move I didn't say anything. Would she even care That Im still cutting? Probably not. She'll probably just take my blade and leave the room.
*click* she unlocks the door.
And looks at me with a disappointed sigh "Ryan you need to stop doing this to yourself? Should I put you back in the hospital?" She asks. I shake my head no. And right on que she picks up my blade walks out of the room and shuts my door.
It's amazing how she doesn't care. Her own child is here in his bedroom, with voices in his head, a box of blades under his bed, leading up against his bedroom wall bleeding from self inflicted cuts and she doesn't care. Maybe the voices are right. Maybe I am worthless.
"Ryan you're worthless, trust us. We know what we are talking about you are worthless waste of space. Have you considered suicide lately? You should. Try again? Please! No One NEEDS You" i stand up and punch the wall in frustration. God I hate myself. I need to get out of here.
~
I ran to the bathroom to clean and bandage my arms.
I threw on a jacket grabbed my phone and ran out of the house. I walked for I have no idea how long but I have no idea where I am.
[TEXT CONVERSATION]
Me: bren, You awake? I think I'm lost..
Brendon: lost how?
Me: idk I went for a walk and i dunno where I am.
Brendon: whats the street signs say?
Me: hibiscus ?
Brendon: ur on my street Ry. Y? U ok?
Me: Idk But its starting to rain what do I do?
Brendon: Stay put I'll come get u
Me: you don't have too. I'll figure out how to get home SOME How
Brendon: i SEE You. I'll have mom drive you home.
~~
I saw Brendon walking towards me.
"Hey Ry" He smile
I nodded. HE warped His arm around me and we walked toward Was Was apparently his house.
"Ry have you been crying? " he asks me.
I sigh and nod my head. He turns to me
"Why love. What happened? You can talk to me" he says
I shake my head. I don't want to talk. I start shivering in the cold and rain.
"Oh love. you're freezing. Come on let's get you inside so you can warm up and dry off" he says with a warm smile.
~~
I don't know but I think I'm starting like him a little bit more.
YOU ARE READING
Melt your headaches call it home {Ryden}
FanfictionRyan Ross suffers both physical and mental health problems. The quiet boy in the back of the class who doesn't speak to anyone. He isn't mute, he just refuses to speak. And takes the punches life throws at him in silence. Brendon Urie popular and l...
