Learning To Count(Otabek x Yuri) [boyxboy]

Chapter Nineteen

Yuri was taken to hospital two weeks later, although more to accommodate him until his time was up, and by that point there wasn't much they could do for him. The doctors called it refeeding syndrome. Basically, his body was so unaccustomed to food that it rejected it. It made him violently ill and for another week he struggled on in pain, barely coherent most of the time and borderline comatose the rest of it. He was essentially there for palliative care, as much as everybody hated to admit it.
Otabek spent most days at the hospital, watching over him- just like his 'guardian angel' as he'd said that one time- or going on coffee runs for his mother. The poor woman was distraught. It was plain to see things were over for Yuri and the doctors had already spoken to her about the pretty much inevitable eventuality that he would die. Every now and then a friend from school would visit and hover awkwardly at Yuri's bedside, never sure what to say or do. They usually just left a card or a teddy bear and rushed out with tears in their eyes. None of their grief drew anywhere near parallel with the confusing cocktail of emotional hell Otabek was going through, however. Watching Yuri slowly decay into a skeleton for months had taken it out of him so that now he could barely even muster enough energy to talk. Sometimes his own friends swung by his house to check on him, most of them having guessed something was up from the silence at his end of the phone. He'd been neglecting his social media for a long time and his followers had noticed- he had what seemed like hundreds of comments and private messages asking if he was okay. He didn't have the energy to reply to them so instead he posted the occasional grim picture of a cup of coffee or a building to reassure everybody that he was still alive. Today, though, it seemed that the fog had lifted from Yuri's mind. It had been a week since his admission and he was finally sitting up, blinking slowly at his surroundings and glaring cross-eyed with vitriol at his PEG tube. When he saw Otabek his expression changed to one of joy and shock.
'Hey,' He croaked out, his voice cracking painfully. He had a terrible throat infection from all the time he'd spent clawing at it with his fingernails and the acid that splashed against it as a result. 'You've been here a long time.'
'So have you.'
'Don't worry. You'll be able to leave soon,' Yuri smiled wearily, gesturing to his emaciated frame. He honestly looked so frail he could be a ghost; his skin was stretched taut across his bones, barely held together. 'I don't know if anybody's told you, but I'm dying.'
The strain on his body that something so simple as talking for a few seconds brought had him panting with exertion and he collapsed back against the bed.
'Don't say that,' Otabek pleaded with him, desperate for something to change. 'There's still a chance, there's still-'
'Shh. I'm going to die, but that's okay. I hope you've finished that eulogy.'
Otabek smiled through the tears that were now staining his cheeks, standing up and leaning over Yuri to brush his hair from his face. It had once been so thick and luxurious and one of his favourite things to do had been to run his hands through it. Now it limp and thin, much like Yuri himself.
'I actually think I'm going to die today,' Yuri surprised him by saying.
'Why?' Otabek choked out, unable to take it in. He refused to believe it.
'I don't know. I can feel it.'
'I'm calling a nurse. No way are you dying today, it's not-'
'It's my time.'
'Stop talking like a wise old man! You're sixteen, you can't die yet!' Otabek was too afraid to leave his side so he pressed the emergency button, at which point a nurse hurried down the corridor towards them. This was the moment when everything began to go a bit pear-shaped. She saw that Yuri's vitals had dropped dangerously low and instantly called in a doctor, who administered drugs and did this and that, none of which really helped. Otabek was forced from the room, but he stood outside and watched through the glass as the doctor and nurses stood around looking aggravated. At last one of them emerged looking apologetic. Yuri's mum, who had just dashed to grab the coffees, rounded the corner and saw that there was a commotion of some sort. She dropped the coffees and ran over, her eyes wild and her hands grabbing frantically at her unbrushed hair. Suddenly Otabek flashed back to when he and Yuri had met. It had been this same hospital and he'd been drinking the same coffee Yuri's mum had just dropped in her haste. Back then, he'd been disconcertingly thin, but he hadn't been dying. Looking at him now, Otabek wouldn't doubt he was sick. Back then he had believed him when he'd said he was fine. Everything had changed so quickly that it felt like it could be the same day and if he went to the cafe now he'd bump into an eccentric blond who would take him on a detour round the hospital and make him lost for the second time. Unfortunately, he was trapped in real time and was forced to listen to what the doctors had to say.
'Ms. Plisetsky, I would recommend that you say your goodbyes now,' The doctor said this with an apologetic tone as if it was somehow his fault. One of the nurses was crying and Otabek couldn't blame her. Seeing a mere child practically killing themselves would be heartbreaking for anybody, professional detachment or not.
'Oh god,' Yuri's mum wailed, not hesitating to flurry through the doors to shower her son with affection. Otabek followed in her wake considerably quieter, deep in depressive thought. How could he say goodbye? What could he possibly say that would make any of this okay and not leave him with thousands of regrets? Evidently, he didn't have much time left to construct his farewell speech because Yuri's eyes were shut and he was so pale he almost blended into the sheets he was lying on.
'I want-' He tried to speak but it came out as a death rattle. He had to take a few deep breaths to manage to get it out. 'I want to go outside.'
'Absolutely out of the question,' The doctor stated. 'You would be in terrible pain and I'm afraid it may kill you.'
'I'm about to die anyway,' Yuri whispered, clenching his fists weakly. 'I want to go outside and hear the birds, just one last time.'
'I can't let you do that,' The doctor shook his head. Yuri's mum looked from her son to his boyfriend, then back to her dejected looking son. The only thing she could ask for now was that he was happy in his final few moments upon the world she'd stupidly brought him into. Whether it was with her or not was up to him- it was his life and he could choose his happiness. She was firm in the knowledge that her love for him wouldn't waver at all based on any decision he made.
'Could I have a moment alone with him to say goodbye?' She looked at the doctor and he nodded, stepping outside into the corridor to give her some space. Otabek went to leave but she called him back. 'Will you- will you take him outside? That's what he wants.'
'Are you sure? The doctor said-'
'Please,' Yuri wheezed and Otabek couldn't refuse him his dying wish, although he wished himself that it could just be a plain wish.
'I'll distract them. Just go,' She sobbed, her hands shaking as she pulled out the wheelchair they'd been using for the short while that Yuri had still been mobile. They unhooked him from countless wires and machines and loaded him into the chair, Otabek trying to ignore the fact that this brought it full circle to when they'd first met. Yuri's mum easily distracted the doctors by asking them questions and Otabek was able to sneak quickly away round a corner, racing for the lift at the end of the corridor. A shout went up behind him and just as they spun round to face the doors of the elevator as they closed they could see doctors and nurses galore honing in on them. In a last act of bravado Yuri flipped them off and stuck his tongue out. They got to the ground floor and Otabek ran with the chair, dodging patients and doctors like mad until they made it to the doors and rushed out into the street.
'Shit,' Otabek cursed, not knowing which way to turn.
'Left, left!' Yuri cried and Otabek veered left, continuing round the back of the building until he spotted a field. He somehow manoeuvred the wheelchair into it and parked it so that they were obscured by a hedge.
'Holy shit,' He gasped, both of them panting heavily and laughing from the exhilaration of their high-speed chase. 'What is it with you and running away from doctors?'
'What is it with you and making me want to?' Yuri retorted, his cheeks tinged slightly pink, the first time they'd shown any colour in weeks. He was grinning madly and Otabek knew they'd made the right decision. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cigarettes, offering Yuri one.
'What, you're actually letting me do something today?' Yuri teased, his voice louder than before and Otabek was almost hopeful with this sudden cheer. He knew deep down that it was just the adrenaline and Yuri was still minutes from death but his naive and youthful heart still relished the chance to hope.
'I don't think one will kill you,' He shrugged as he lit them both up, inhaling deeply on his own and blowing the smoke skywards, watching as it rose in tendrils towards the sun.
'I do agree it might be a bit late for that,' Yuri took his and took a drag that sent him coughing painfully. 'What now?'
'You wanted to hear the birds.'
'I mean, do we just wait until I die? Strange really, now I'm sat here I couldn't care less what I look like. Funny old thing is life. I thought I'd die quicker, bit awkward that we have to wait.'
His sentences weren't really linked together and Otabek could tell he was beginning to fade. His heart raced harder and he felt a cold hand of terror grip at his throat, forcing him to say the things he needed to say.
'I'm sorry,' He choked out. 'I let you down; I made promises I couldn't keep. I swore you'd get better, but here we are.'
'I don't mind,' Yuri mumbled, dropping the cigarette and looking up at him. 'Will you give me a goodbye kiss?' He was masking it as best as he could, but he was in unspeakable agony. His entire body felt like it was falling apart and he knew all his internal organs were failing at once. Otabek was crying uncontrollably now and he felt hugely guilty for causing all of this pain. He realised with a pang that he hadn't even said goodbye to his mum. He wanted to hug her and cry into her arms again like he was a little kid, but gone were the days when she could kiss it better and cover up his scrapes with a Spider-Man plaster then send him on his way. He started crying now, sniffling away as Otabek crouched down in front of him.
'Get me out of this stupid chair,' He croaked and Otabek did as he was told, pulling Yuri out and onto the ground with him. For a while they sat silently with Yuri on his lap, nuzzling into his chest and breathing in his comforting scent for what he knew was the last time.
'I don't want to die,' He sobbed, repeating it over and over again and realising how true it was. He was absolutely terrified. 'I want to get better! But it's too late for me now. I'm never going to get better.'
'Shh, it's okay,' Otabek whispered into his ear, stroking his hair and trying to send him to sleep quietly. 'You're okay. I've got you. You're just going to sleep. When you wake up, it'll just be another day and you won't be thinking about food at all.'
'We'll go on a date,' Yuri's voice was quieter again.
'Yes, we'll go on a date.'
'By the river,' He was barely audible now and Otabek could barely speak past the lump in his throat.
'By the river,' He repeated. 'And you'll get an ice cream and I'll laugh at you because you'll get it on your nose.'
'And we'll kiss,' His words were undetectable apart from the consonants now.
'Definitely. Then we'll watch the sunset and I'll tell you how much I love you.'
'Do you really?'
'Yes. I love you so much.'
'Don't be stupid. Love can't save me now.'
And just like that, he was gone. The blond boy from the hospital who had shouted at him, the boy who had kissed him so bravely, the idiot who had cried because he hadn't wanted to have sex, the boy who he'd danced with on a sofa, the first person he'd fallen in love with was no longer. Otabek clung to his lifeless body with desperation, screaming at him to wake up but receiving no answering breath or pulse or any such sign of life. He was well and truly gone. His restless soul had passed on to wherever it is people go when they die. The vessel that had once contained it was now empty. Yuri Plisetsky no longer existed save for in his memories. Never again would he taste his metallic lips or hear his cackling laugh or fall asleep with him warm in his arms or- he couldn't think any further. It was like his mind hit a wall and refused him any semblance of thought. He was pure numbness and nothing else. How had his life come to this? One second he'd been dragging Yuri round London and the next he was clinging to his corpse. He took a deep shaky breath and gently laid him down on the grass, kissing his cheek one last time and picking a wild flower from the hedge that hid them and tucked it into his hair. A few seconds later the doctors finally found them and there was a burst of chaos, but Otabek was strangely calm throughout. The body being loaded onto a stretcher wasn't Yuri Plisetsky anymore. Yuri lived on through glimpses and snapshots of memory. He'd see him here and there in the grin of somebody else, in the way somebody else howled with laughter in the same way. Everything was left with traces of him, and Otabek chose to believe that this was his way of being a ghost. There was evidence of him in every corner of the earth and Otabek was desperate to preserve those memories so he'd never miss any of it. Yuri was finally free of the disease that had tortured him for so long and knowing this came as a small relief to him. He'd never again have to discover him passed out in a pool of his own vomit and blood again. Never again would he be forced to listen to that dreadful cough that preceded his presence. While the best case scenario would be that Yuri had survived, he knew that it had never been all that likely. He had been unreachable in the end because he had been failed somehow. Somewhere along the line something had gone wrong and he'd never gotten the help he had needed. It seemed to Otabek that the way to atone for this great failure was to do something about it. He finally knew what he wanted to do with his life- he wanted to follow his passion and help people. In the memory of Yuri Plisetsky, he was going to save everybody he met from themselves.