Crave.

III

Why? Just.. why? Why did you have to tell everyone?

I take a deep breath before replying to Helena.

I'm sorry. I know I fucked up. I told Jasper about it since I thought I could trust him – you yourself know that there was nothing wrong with informing Jasper of it, I don't see any argument you can make because of how we thought he was still one of us. Turns out he wasn't. He spread the news..

Immediately, she texts back.

I can make an argument. I know how you thought we were still close to him, but we were also aware that he wasn't one of us anymore. Yes, it wasn't voiced out but after seeing him kiss that girl, we both knew.

Yeah, I accept blame for that but it isn't solely my fault.

Stop being childish, Emily. You're like a little kid, wanting others to get yelled at too because you can't handle responsibility for your actions. It's pathetic.

She's mad. Guiltiness and devastation flow through my body.

I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

Sorry doesn't always fix everything. Bye.

She hits me with the typical line that I would have never expected coming from her.

After reading that, I instantly click onto the group chat and call them.

"Helloooo," Tate greets first.

"Hi," Violet says after a split-second.

"Guys.. I've fucked up." I already get into it.

"Helena?" Tate questions.

"Yeah.." I respond.

"What happened?" Violet asks.

"She texted me questioning why I had to do it. It didn't even seem like she was angry, she seemed puzzled and like she'd given up. I explained that I thought I could trust Jasper, seeing as I had no reason not to, and that I guess he was just acting, but she argued back saying that I shouldn't have felt as if I could trust someone who broke my heart today by kissing another girl-"

"That was a good point though," Tate cuts in.

"Yeah, I know. That's the bad bit. I then said that it's not just my fault, and she told me I was acting like a little kid. All I could do was apologise. She said that sorry doesn't fix everything, and went."

"Oh god," Violet groans.

"I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Guiltiness is the main emotion but.. I don't even know." I tell them.

"You haven't felt the effects of what happened just now. Of course you don't know which emotions you're feeling," Tate says.

"But what do I do?" I desperately ask.

"I'm not sure," Violet answers. "It all depends on how you feel about what occurred and if you're not sure about them, then I don't know."

"See, if you don't feel sad about what seems like the end of your friendship with Helena, then you should just try to get her to forgive you but not continue the friendship. Guiltiness doesn't mean that you do everything to get what you had back with her, it means that you try and help her in the situation. If you're angry at her about what's happened, then it shows that you don't feel as if you're to blame and so you shouldn't do anything," Tate adds.

I groan loudly. "This is so puzzling. I just feel a range of emotions and I hate being unable to distinguish them."

"I know it's difficult right now, Emily. But it's going to get better. Just stay around others who gave off the friendliness and support that Helena provided and you'll be fine." Violet advises me.