Saving The Gangsta

f o u r t e e n

He smiles, and then disappears into the morose night.

Fuck.

I turn to face The Vipers, and none of them could meet my eyes.

They're afraid of me. Of course they are, I killed my parents. I don't blame them. I'm afraid of myself too.

Taylor moves his eyes upwards, I could see the collision of emotions battle courageously together in his iris'.

"You killed your Mom and Dad?"

"I did what I had to do." I reply softly, a danger twirl embedding itself into my tone.

"You lied to us." He states, his voice completely void of emotion. "You lied to me."

"I did what I had to do." I repeat stronger than before, meeting his eyes.

I saved them. I saved them. I saved them.

"What possible reason would you have to excuse murdering your parents?" My heart shatters as his callous words send goosebumps along my skin. "You killed your parents...I thought I was a monster, but no. You give a whole new definition to the word."

"I suppose you should speak to me more softly then. Monsters tend to be dangerous, and people seem to be dropping like flies." I didn't say it harshly, yet he still stares at me with widened eyes. "I already told you, I should've been left to die."

He doesn't know anything.

He doesn't know anything.

He doesn't know anything.

"How can you even attempt to defend yourself? How can you speak to me like that?" Taylor hisses at me. I glance over to the rest of the gang. Alexi Clarke stared at me with pity, in a way that made my head hurt.

Judging by most of the other hesitant expressions, I conclude quite easily that I'm not wanted with them anymore.

I put my back to him and attempted to walk off, yet his voice halted my movements once again.

"So that's it? You're just going to run?" Valentine scoffs, sending ice-cold daggers up my spine.

I face him apprehensively, my eyes hostile. "I'm not wanted here anymore."

"Can you blame us?" He scoffs, astounded by my obvious bitterness.

"Maybe not." I shrug, "But maybe you should try to understand where I'm coming from. I had a reason for killing my parents; You shouldn't be so quick to judge."

"Well, what was the reason then?" He questions, curiosity radiating off his body like the most poisonous toxin.

I smile sadly, my words coming out soft and defeated. "You know I can't tell you that."

"I fucking told you so, Taylor." Rebecca cuts in, her voice sharp. "I told you we couldn't trust her."

"You do realize that I killed my brother, don't you?" Alexi cuts in, mentioning Tyler for the first time since Asher passed away.

"That's different." My breathing hitches at Taylor's spiteful words. "Tyler deserved to die for all he did to you and Ash."

"Look at her, Tay." I shift uncomfortably as Alexi points, palm open, towards me. "Tell me she's a cold blooded killer. Tell me you don't think she had a reason, just like I did."

"They're her parents, Lexi." His voice crumbles as he stares into his sisters pained eyes. "Killing your brother is one thing, but your parents? They made you, they formed you, how could anybody kill them for that?"

"You don't know nothing about me, Valentine." I snap, "Stop assuming everything in my life was perfect."

"How about you try telling me something about you then? I wouldn't have to assume everything if you stopped lying to me!"

"Do you have any idea how dangerous I am for all of you?! Haven't you even considered that maybe I'm hiding things to protect you?!" I shout back, instantly regretting my words.

Too risky. Too risky. Too risky.

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" Rebecca questions instantly, her eyes consumed with pure rage and hatred.

Don't break. Don't tell them anything.

"I mean, you should've let Rogue kill me and save yourself all this trouble." I tell her, ensuring my tone showed no ounce of emotion.

My gaze meets every other Viper's, studying their emotions and reactions, but I focus on just one.

Erin's stare didn't flicker as my icy blue eyes met his. They were empty, void. Completely and utterly clear of any emotion or humane feeling.

I knew that was a thing that people like us did. We refuse to feel and once you master the art of not caring, you become less human.

And we were forced to stop caring a long time ago.

A question escapes Oli's lips as my stare meets his.

"How old were you?"

I force my stare away from theirs, diverting my eyes to the ground.

My teeth grit on instinct, my hands folding into fists.

"Well?" Rebecca pushes.

I swallow, closing my eyes. "Eleven."

No one spoke, but I knew what they were all thinking.

What sort of fucked up eleven year old kills their parents?

Astrid Cleveland, that's who.

***

Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to every person.

One, in which, that we reveal to the world and one more that we keep hidden inside.

The one that only are closest allies are exposed to.

Our darkness'. Our fears. Our temptations. Our addictions.

Everybody avoided me as soon as we reached The Vipers base.

I knew I shouldn't feel guilty, as I had brought it upon myself, but it couldn't help but cause a sharp ache to erupt within my chest.

The way Taylor's forest green eyes started into mine remained permanently etched in my mind. The pain. The betrayal. The hatred.

He hated me.

And I could never forgive myself for allowing that to happen.