Broken Soul

2

As we walk down the hall towards the lunch room I silently pray that he won't sit by me. Once we enter the cafeteria the noise its me like a bulldozer. I've always hated hearing people's voices jumbled together. The sound made me feel lost and alone. Lucas not noticing my discomfort ushers me to the lunch line and grabs a piece of pizza, an apple, and a coke. I only grab a bottle of water for myself and hand the lunch lady my money and follow Lucas to a table.

Once we get to the table Lucas asks, "Is that all you are eating?"

I quietly answer "Yea," resuming my habit of playing with my fingers.

"Hey whats wrong? You are really quiet is all you are going to have for lunch a water bottle," Lucas asks.

I laugh He thinks a fat bïtch is just going to eat, ya right  I think before Lucas asks,

"Wanna play 3 questions?" My mind starts racing and I think about everything that could go wrong if I play this game but I quietly say,

"Yeah sure."

"Ok I'll start," Lucas says nonchalantly,

"Why are you only drinking a water bottle for lunch?" Because I'm fat I think but I answer, "I'm just not hungry."

"Ok," Lucas says but I can tell he isn't really convinced, "Why are you wearing a sweatshirt, it's like 80 degrees today?"

"Because I'm cold," I answer with a shrug.

"Ok last one," Lucas says a little unsure, "Do you have Depression and Anorexia?"

I stood up so fast I almost turned the table over, "I have to go," I add.

"Wait I didn't mean to upset you," Lucas says getting up to rush after me.

I reach the doors and push them open and leave the hëll hole called the cafeteria. I didn't even get 20 feet from the cafeteria doors when Lucas grabbed my wrist forcing me to wince in pain. "Whats wrong Delilah?" Lucas asks me sounding genuinely concerned. He isn't concerned Bïtch. He could never like a fat piece of shït like you.

"I don't have depression or anorexia, I remembered I have to see the teacher about an essay," I lie easily.

"Ok I believe you," Lucas says a little unsure.

Suddenly all I needed to do was run. I ran down the hall as fast as my feet could take me. Zooming past all of the lockers and doors I felt truly free. I ran into the closest bathroom and closed a stall door behind me. As I slid my hand down the metal I realized no one would ever love me. My father abuses me, I starve myself, my mother is dead, and I'm a cutter. All of a sudden I just started to cry and, not just regular crying, the kind where you break down into sobs and shake all over. After 10 minutes I dried my eyes re-did my make up and left the bathroom. Once left I saw him leaning against a locker waiting for me I started to run in the opposite direction, the feeling of freedom gone. Once he caught up to me we were outside next to the soccer field. When he reached me he grabbed my wrist to slow me down.

"Ah," I gasped feeling the pain of his grip around my new cuts.

"Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't know," he said while scratching the back of his neck.

"No its ok," I say knowing I've blown my secret.

Slowly he reached towards the sleeve of my sweat shirt and he rolled it up to my elbow, only stopping to do the other arm. I didn't even try to stop him I just looked at the ground ashamed.

Now he knows great!

"How did you get these, and no lying this time," Lucas says as he runs his hands over each scar.

"Ummmm...," I say trying to come up with a good lie. 

After a long pause I feel my chin being lifted upwards by two fingers. As my eyes reach his he quietly says to me.

"Delilah," he says demanding the truth.

"I did it to myself," I say my voice quivering trying so hard to keep my tears from falling.

"Oh my God," He said to himself and I can hear the slight sadness that masks his words. "What made you think you needed to do this?"

"My life," I say before we both hear the bell ring signaling the end of lunch.