There isn't enough evidence or results from electroconvulsive therapy to convince me that is a safe option. There aren't enough years of evidence to tell us how patients are long term after the treatment so I discussed it with Eli and we decided it was too risky. He said he'd rather have me panicking but still his Eli instead of a version of myself that neither of us know. And I tend to agree with him on that.

The days aren't as much of a struggle as they used to be and I'm accepting my life and the things that I have. Knowing that the devil man isn't going to be back is a huge relief and since the day he was transferred to Russia, we haven't heard anything more from the Bratva. I'm not foolish enough to believe they aren't out there, but I'd like to believe they aren't interested in me and that they know the guys will come after them if they try to hurt any of us.

I do still have moments of panic, but they are nothing like they used to be. I'm even able to go to the store now without having a freak out. I had never been able to do that before and in the last year or two I have actually been able to go grocery shopping. Eli and I go jogging in Central Park at the weekends and I'm even pretty good with visitors being over and using our pool. We host half of the barbecues in the summers and Connie and Don usually have the other half at their house.

Things with Eli have been pretty incredible actually. I don't know how, but I seem to love him more and more each day. He steals a little more of my heart every single day. Sometimes it's just a simple smile or one of the ways he shows he cares or takes care of me. He has shown me the definition of love in the emotional sense and in the physical sense. I never thought I would willing choose to let someone love me like that, but I have and I do. I know Eli would never hurt me and while my insecurities and self-doubt are still there, I know that Eli would never intentionally hurt me. Sometimes my subconscious forgets that and I have to fight back the memories, but Eli and I work through them together. He is such a special man and I am truly blessed to have him in my life and as my husband.

Who knows what else the future holds for us, but I do know that I can get through anything if Eli is with me. We've already dealt with so much individually and while we've been together, and now we're stronger. As long as Eli is with me, then I know everything will work out. He has the ability to take control of every situation, so I have no doubt that he'll make sure it all works out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eli's P.O.V.

The last ten years have been better than I could ever have imagined. Dani is perfect. Our relationship is so strong and she trusts me more every day. She still has moments of fear and panic, but they are much less frequent now. I don't know if Dani will ever be completely and totally relaxed, but she's comfortable and happy with the way things are right now. We're both happy with our lives at the moment.

When we lost Scar, Dani retreated back into her shell a little bit. I think she didn't know how to cope with another lose and it nearly broke her heart. It nearly broke my heart watching her grieve like that. She had a special bond with that dog and he was more than just an animal to her. He gave Dani confidence and courage because she knew he would protect her. She knows I will take care of her, but Scar was by her side whenever I couldn't be. I will forever be in his debt for helping Dani and taking care of her like he did.

I finally convinced Arrow to join my team a few years ago. We're all getting older and I like us being a team again. I know Ash and Arrow have my back whatever happens. I am aware of the fact that I can't keep jumping into ridiculously dangerous situations forever. Something has to change and I have spoken to the Cap about it. He's up for retirement soon and I'm not sure I want to run my team under another Captain. I have some options, I'm just waiting for confirmation to see which path I choose.

Tough LoveWhere stories live. Discover now